donīt even know where to begin! I feel like my life is run by fear! My feelings
are all mixed up. I feel cannot control my life, everyoneīs opinions affect
me, itīs like i cannot do anything of my will. This time iīve been able to read
some of the mail of my actual girlfriend where i discovered she wrote an ex-boyfriend
that she didnīt know how serious our relation is to her. I was at work and i
took about 3 hours to decide to open her email. I spent all afternoon thinking
if i should or shouldnīt open the mail, i wasnīt able to work properly, i felt
like my stomach was about to explode, i thing i was terrified to find something
like this writen... I donīt know what to feel. I feel desperate, i canīt cry.I
donīt know what to do. All kinds of thoughts come to my mind, afraid to talk
to her. At the same time i have not been telling her all my feelings, iīve been
feeling anguist... Should i continue? should not, i feel like running! feel
like disapearing. Please let this not be! Iīm shaking, like very cold, very
stressed. why is my life allways like this shit! Another aspect, sometimes canīt
precise when, i feel like iīm the best that i can control everything, for ex.
just a second ago an idea crossed my mind, i thought you (donīt know who) would
like this message iīm writing and would spread making me some kind of important
person, now iīm asking myself why that happened... just changed the line of
thought, why? i feel empty iīm just telling everything that comes to my mind,
please believe me.. i felt like crying...it was that thought... iīve turned
my mobile phone off, i fear my girlfriend phoneīs me and i donīt know what to
say... My head hurts, should i think that she wants me, should i think she still
loves her previous boyfriend?... My lips are dry...still shaking... When iīm
in her arms itīs like safety, peace, is that enough for love..... can i be happy,
how does my poor relation with all my family affects my way...? Breathing deeply...iīm
going to read her mail one more time... what can i do with my feelings, all
my life iīve not paid attention to them trying to understand them, and now they
are the driving force of my life... Iīm afraid to be more dumb then other people.
Full of fears, donīt.....know what more to say, the only way i thought i could
ease this unconfortable way was to write everything that came to my head.....
Iīm very nervous, donīt know what to say, iīve done things that i thing make
me doubt the autenticity of my feelings. write to me
--firstname.lastname@example.org, Male, Portugal
--Joana, Female, Portugal
fear myself, what I can and canīt do. I fear my future.
--Duarte, Male, Portugal
afraid to expose my fears. I believe that fearing something is some sort of
weakness, and by exposing them...
--Nuno, Male, Portugal