PORTUGAL

I don´t even know where to begin! I feel like my life is run by fear! My feelings are all mixed up. I feel cannot control my life, everyone´s opinions affect me, it´s like i cannot do anything of my will. This time i´ve been able to read some of the mail of my actual girlfriend where i discovered she wrote an ex-boyfriend that she didn´t know how serious our relation is to her. I was at work and i took about 3 hours to decide to open her email. I spent all afternoon thinking if i should or shouldn´t open the mail, i wasn´t able to work properly, i felt like my stomach was about to explode, i thing i was terrified to find something like this writen... I don´t know what to feel. I feel desperate, i can´t cry.I don´t know what to do. All kinds of thoughts come to my mind, afraid to talk to her. At the same time i have not been telling her all my feelings, i´ve been feeling anguist... Should i continue? should not, i feel like running! feel like disapearing. Please let this not be! I´m shaking, like very cold, very stressed. why is my life allways like this shit! Another aspect, sometimes can´t precise when, i feel like i´m the best that i can control everything, for ex. just a second ago an idea crossed my mind, i thought you (don´t know who) would like this message i´m writing and would spread making me some kind of important person, now i´m asking myself why that happened... just changed the line of thought, why? i feel empty i´m just telling everything that comes to my mind, please believe me.. i felt like crying...it was that thought... i´ve turned my mobile phone off, i fear my girlfriend phone´s me and i don´t know what to say... My head hurts, should i think that she wants me, should i think she still loves her previous boyfriend?... My lips are dry...still shaking... When i´m in her arms it´s like safety, peace, is that enough for love..... can i be happy, how does my poor relation with all my family affects my way...? Breathing deeply...i´m going to read her mail one more time... what can i do with my feelings, all my life i´ve not paid attention to them trying to understand them, and now they are the driving force of my life... I´m afraid to be more dumb then other people. Full of fears, don´t.....know what more to say, the only way i thought i could ease this unconfortable way was to write everything that came to my head..... I´m very nervous, don´t know what to say, i´ve done things that i thing make me doubt the autenticity of my feelings. write to me
--joelbmorgado@mail.pt, Male, Portugal

people
--Joana, Female, Portugal

I fear myself, what I can and can´t do. I fear my future.
--Duarte, Male, Portugal

I'm afraid to expose my fears. I believe that fearing something is some sort of weakness, and by exposing them...
--Nuno, Male, Portugal