am afraid of never finding someone to spend the rest of my life with. I feel
like the people that I am attracted to are never attracted to me. Everyone always
tells me how pretty I am, but I am still alone. I want to find a man who will
love me as much and as deeply as I am going to love him. I go out with my friends
and they all get attention from guys, but I always feel like the odd one out.
So, what I am basically saying is that, I feel like I am destined to be alone.
That scares me a whole lot. Everywhere I turn, I see couples, but what about
me? What about me?
--Yvette, Female, USA
deepest fear is that of losing my new husband. I failed in my first marriage
and I feel I'm a failure as a mother as well. I fight with him constantly because
I'm afraid to lose him and feel that I want to be on the defensive so maybe
it won't hurt so bad when he leaves. I'm ruining a wonderful relationship because
I am pushing him away, and the more I push the more afraid I am of losing him.
--Female, Female, USA
am afraid that I can't change. I am afraid that I WILL kill myself. I am afraid
of staying alone without doing anything to better myself and my situation. I
am afraid of that I really am insane. I am afraid that I can't change...
--Corey, Male, USA
am afraid of the possibility of being alone. Not being alone day-to-day but
the long term alone. The longing of watching young couples with a new born type
of alone. The fear of losing myself once I am able to get married and commit
to a life partner.
--Rebecca, Female, USA
I must say that there are two things I am really afraid of, loneliness and being
hurt by someone I love. I can't deal with being alone. I get depressed if I
don't see any of my friends for a while. Also since I have ended up heartbroken
twice, I'm afraid of it happening again, which will happen at some point in
time because I fall in love too easily.
--JC, Male, USA
afraid to love.
--Joey, Male, USA
fear that pursues my every moment...the emptiness I feel inside and my ignorance
of the truth. "Who am I, Where am I, and Where am I going?"
--Elizabeth, Female, USA
AM ALONE NOW AND AS I GET OLDER I FEAR, NO I KNOW THAT I WILL REMAIN ALONE AND
PROBLEY DIE ALONE. NO ONE SHOULD BE ALONE LIKE THIS. THIS IS WHAT I AM AFIAID
--JERRY, Male, Tex-USA
am afraid of doctors. AFter passing out in a doctor office, I then developed
an anxiety disorder. It came from other things but the office pass out set it
off. I'm scared I'll live my life with anxiety and that I"ll always be afraid
of my health and too scared to get help for it.
--Kristen, Female, USA
16 years old and I have this srange fear of swallowing air. I can't breath when
I'm sitting by an open window of a car especially when we are on a bridge or
going at least 15 miles per hour. That's like parking lot speed.The doctor calls
it aerophobia like the fear of flying. I'm not afraid of flying though. My second
fear is of insects that fly. Like butterflies, flies, roaches, bees, wasp, and
etc. I think these phobias have something to do with each other. Maybe I am
afraid of flying but in a different way. I never noticed the connection untill
now, after I read this.
--Denisha W., Female, USA
i am most afraid that i might be right about everything.
--dan bush, Male, USA
terrified that if I keep being so unforgiving then I will completely shut everyone
I care about out of my life. My pride gets in the way and I loose the people
that I love the most. I need to understand that I can not change people or beg
them to treat themselves better, but I am sad that I would rather disown them
than stick around and helplessly watching them make the wrong choices. But who
am I to judge? I care about them more than I care about myself, so I guess I
am not much different. I'm scared that I will die alone, and even more frightened
that the thought almost appeals to me.
--Ali, Male, USA
fear that i have nothing to give. i fear that society will never move into a
positive state of progression with gays, racial, and economic issues. the biggest
fear i have is not suffering the wound in order to heal in life. Nightmares?
I don't really have nightmares. I dream in 3d, colors, black and white, sound,
silence, and i write in my dreams sometimes then wake up and put it on paper.
Some of my writings are very philosophical. I sat one night in a dream, watched
a flower tremble from a shaking vine blowing in the wind. realized that i was
the flower breaking free from a society of ignorance to try and grow as an individual.
--Bill, Male, USA
find myself finally collapsing, crashing from this high of my youth, drowning
deep in a bottle of whiskey, muttering to myself, or worse at the people i pass
in the street. stupid old and drunk
--Anonymous, Male, USA
afraid to be alone. I'm afraid to take care of myself. I'm afraid of asking
questions for fear of looking stupid. I get slight panic attacks every time
I go outside of my house. I'm in my mid twentys and I don't have a drivers lisence
because I'm afraid to drive. I lock myself into my projects. Whether it's writing
or painting or photography, It's a great place for me to avoid living and the
lonliness I feel is sometimes unbelieveable. I have a six year old son who I
have to go enroll at school today and I've been up all night worried about how
that is going to go. Tonight my friend is taking me driving so I can try to
get my lisence. I'm afraid but what can I do. I've been married to a man that
I'm not even in love with or in lust with. I only care for the fact that he
gave me my son. He in return feels the same about me and we stay together because
if we were not together then it would cause change and we both do not like that.
Were miserable together. My husband tells me all the time that I will never
accomplish anything but being afraid for the rest of my life. He does not support
anything I want to do. He does not want me to get better. He likes where I am
and I reolize that my fears have put me in the position of being at someones
mercy. I want my independance from the prison that I've build for myself. Maybe
I'll be successful but maybe I'll fail. I've only been getting by, by getting
with people who will take care of me. Of corse if they are taking care of me,
I don't have many choices and I'm the constant blame for everything that goes
wrong. I'm reolizing that life is meant to be lived, not to be feared. I don't
want to grow old and miserable and look back at all the things I could have
done but didn't have the courage to do. I'm afraid that I'll die never having
--confession, Female, USA
alway scare of life..... don't know what will happen next...i'm afraid of the
future cause i don't know what my future will be.....or ended up somewhere that
i don't belong.. i fear of people what will they think or what would be said....i
alway get treated like i'm not there . it like i don't exist to them so they
put me where i'm in the dark , the sun so high but it get closer to me i feel
the heat againt my skin baking me up.. i'm afraid to make love cause i dont
know what my lover think of me in bed or how we cuddle or try to make but can't
cause i'm afriad if he'll hurt me . i can't trust guys in life i've been rape...
afraid to tell cause i dont like the drama it will cost .... i'm hurt inside
.i bottle up everything... i dont like myself cause i'm hard of hearing.. i'm
afriad of losing my all percent of my hearing.....i'm afriad to help cause i
think if i try to get help things would be worst in life.......
--Sarah Kiefling, Female, USA
Fears? Everything and nothing... The totality of the emptiness. The extent of the void. I don't fear like you do.
The fear I have comes without reason. It takes hold of my heart. I am not afraid; I am terrified, I am paralized. I am unable to communicate, to rationalize, to accept that there is nothing to fear at all.
Fear, for me, is more than a feeling. It is a way of existing: not all the time, but unexpectedly, during happy moments, inopportune interludes, and in the dead of silence.
Fear is a creature with a mind of its own. It's out to get me. It's out to take control of me. It's out to eat me for lunch.
When It has me, there is nothing so simple as a leaf falling from a tree. Leaves don't exist. There are birds falling from trees and trying to eat my eyes. There are herds of rats racing across the streets. There are spirits swirling in my yard, crying out for revenge.
Fear is knocking at my door everyday. Louder and louder as the weeks go by. It's been there so long... Sometimes I let It in without a fight. Life is sometimes easier that way. Other times It fools me into thinking It's something friendly. It steals me. It takes me away to dark underground places.
asked what I am afraid of. The only answer I can give is this: I fear that there
is no cure for me. I fear that happiness is an ongoing battle. I fear that I
am already dead- that I am rotting in the ground and just haven't realized it.
I am afraid that one day fear will be all I know.
--email@example.com, Female, USA
I am afraid I am unlovable. I am afraid of failing for fear I won't be loved
if I am not perfect. Yet I am afraid of success for fear I will only be loved
for what I do and not who I am, that the success I get I don't deserve, and
so will eventually be found out and abandoned. But most of all I am afraid of
my fear. Nightmares? I have the same nightmare over and over. I am standing
on the edge of a great cliff with a sharp rock face and broken stone below.
I experiance vertigo and fear I will lose my balance and fall. I regain my balance
and then I am over come with an urge to lean forward and fall off the cliff
and I do. Before I strike bottom, I stop rewind and start it all again.
--TeriT, Female, USA
afraid i will never stop drinking or using drugs
--bill bob, Male, USA
wrong. being a nobody. wasting life.
--Kevin, Male, USA
innermost fear is being wrong. Not wrong in an everyday sense but wrong in a
spiritual sense. If I make the wrong decision will I end up in Hell? Do my actions
on Earth really truly control my destiny forever? If so, can anyone really make
a "right" decision or is every human decision made under duress, your eternity
always hanging in the balance? This is my question, my fear- the wrong answer.
--Brooke, Female, USA
abandonned by the man I love - but even more I have a fear of expressing this
fear to him. And I fear what this indicates - my dependence on him for a feeling
of security. I fear not having a purpose in life - a goal, a motive and an object
to my actions, but I also fearing following a false purpose.
--Anonymous, Female, USA
Nightmares?.... of all... after reading this page.. it fears me to think that
so many people take life for granted... not realizing what they have now, but
instead to ponder the what if or feelings resulted from something that may or
may not be inconceivable....Life has it's ups and downs... but being alive should
be more than anything, an "up" that could never be brought down... i fear, not
for myself... but for the sake of others, not that they are bad... but worseover,
that they REALIZE what scares them.... and constantly dwell on the outcome....
life has it's mysteries and concerns... but realize it takes life itself to
have these... and to think more of the positives....fears are not neccessarily
a bad thing...but to keep them in mind is...Life is to be lived step by step,
wether baby or giant steps.. it's steps none-the-less... and each step should
be taken without any remorse....my fear, if considered one, would be the fear
of dying with regrets.... regrett! ing something i did/ did not do due to the
fear....the thoughts....that prevented me from having an enjoyable experience....i
do not mean to be critical... but only a hopeful helping hand...
--Ree, Male, USA
I have the fear of speaking infront of people, and Social Phobia. I am afraid
of talking to alot of people, and speaking infront of them. I often get scared,
and begin to hyperventilate.
--Erin, Female, USA
guess what I am afraid of most is not being good enough for anyone. It scares
me what people really think of me...it scares me to think I may never find the
guy I am looking for....I'm just scared
--Susan, Female, USA
fear is never having kids, and seeing that one special gift from God that's
a part of me. I've been married to a man for 10 years knowing he can't have
children. He doens't want any, if their not his own. My fear is never being
called mommy. Never having that one special gift. does love conquer all? even
your worst fear?
--Anonymous, Female, USA
Afraid of Being Around Other people, when i do i happen to break up in alot
of sweat or dont want to talk, i also happen to be afraid of getting hurt i
ride a dirtbike and skateboard, i havent fallen off yet but i have a feeling
i will,So i mainly like to be alone alot......
--Chris/13/M, Male, USA
am afraid of being alone for the rest of my life. Although I have my children
I feel very alone sometimes and that is so scary and depressing. I have the
fear that no one can love me.
--hholland, Female, USA
am afraid that I will never seem to feel right in my own skin. I think all the
time of what the meaning of life is. Not because for some reason I think I need
answers, but because I don't want to feel the fingers of this huge void that
semms to reach out from the soul of the world and grab me from time to time.
I mean, there has to be something larger and deeper then what is perceived to
us or how we perceive it to be. We are so caught up in the wrong things and
that scares me.
--AngelDrifter, Female, USA
am afraid of never falling in love and having true love pass me by. I drive
by an old couple who sit on their front porch every morning and I pray that
I will end up like them.
--Dan, Male, USA
am sooooo afraid of falling in love. I have gave my heart to so many and thought
that I was truly in love. Only to find out that they didn't feel the same way.
Leaving me with a broken heart that never seems to mend. I can't take the pain
that lives inside me. Is it jealousy? Am I jealous because they can move on
and I'm left with heartache? Am I jealous of their love because their love is
really love? Well I don't know what it is, but now I have met someone and I
am so afraid to fall in love with her. I'm afraid of.....getting hurt again.
Although I feel a passion greater than ever before I am still afraid. I've been
hurt so many times, how can I not have any doubts that she won't leave me with
a broken heart? I don't mean to love like I do. It's just that each and every
woman is beautiful in her own way and I always seem to find that beauty and
I fall in love with that beauty. But now that I have found someone I feel like
I can share anything with, even my life, I am so scared. I'm just scared.
--jonah, Male, USA
am afraid of dying without ever truly knowing you (yes, YOU), and therefore
to have never truly known myself.
--Jan, Female, USA
i love 2 people and i love ex bf and i think about him all the time but he wants
to be single for now...and i love my bf now i mean i dont want them to know
and i am just so confused and sometimes i cry over it and i so afraid that i
will lost al that.....so that what i am afraid ........
--Dana, Female, USA
am afraid of being slowly pulled into a suburban calm - a state of no chaos
aside from the car blowing a tire or not being able to make it to my child's
baseball practice. this would be very close to hell on earth.
--George, Male, USA
you ask. I came across your web site while doing a seach for the name of an
old friend "Zoe". She is someone whom I have a very deep connection with. I
love her in a way that is so overwhelming, it scares me. We've been writing
each other on a regular basis for the past 15 years. What scares me is the thought
of losing her, of losing me. The connection between us represents a part of
me that I see myself growing away from more every day. It is the poet, the artist,
the dream-time part of me that is so alive when I think of Zoe. Saying we are
soul mates is an understatement. It goes beyond this lifetime. Yet here I am,
married to someone who I have almost nothing in common with and yearning to
feel what a single day would be like with her in my life. It terrifies me to
the core that I might never experience this. It's like robbing yourself of something.
I feel frustration, anger, paranoia and love when I think of the choices I make
everyday that do not include a life with Zoe. Yet in a way, I know that she
is with me, and this allows me to go on.
--Anonymous, Male, USA
not afriad of being dead but i'm afraid of dying. like what it feels like to
be burned to death or drownded etc. i'm also afraid of ghosts i'don't know why
though probally cuz of movies such as stir of echos or the 6th sense.
--Brian, Male, USA
could careless about living or dying. Death has no affect on me. When I die,
my problems are over, so in a way, I am looking towards dying. I really feel
sorry for people who are scared about things they couldn't possibly control.
If there is one thing I am scared, it would have to be, working at Academy Sports
and Outdoors, for the rest of my life.
--Mark, Male, USA
--Michael, Male, USA
am afraid of fireworks. I really hate the ones that go "bang!". I don't mind
whistling ones but i absolutely afraid of them. I also am afraid of roman candle
fireworks. My best friend Zach held one up and it shot out all those spits of
fire and he said it hurt because one hit his hand on accident. Thats one thing
i am absolutely afraid of.
--Kimberly Khan, Female, USA
am afraid of...failure. I am afraid that all the talent I have wont make a difference
in the end and i'll just be another bum on the street. Ending up like my mother.
who has a beautiful voice, but its wasted. She could have been so much more
than what she is today. I don't want to be another face in the crowd.
--Marcia, Female, USA
am: afraid of my mind, Im afraid of what I think. Afraid to think I'm sad and
afraid to think im not sad enough. Afraid to love, afraid to not love.Afraid
to exspress myself and have it shot down by an opinion, Afraid of my friends
differinces, afraid of their traits. Afraid of being common, Afraid of being
unique. Afraid of being afraid...
--Michelle, Female, USA
fears....Although I had considered myself the fearless "supergirl" or the universe,
something happened the beginning of this year that changed me forever. I was
attacked by my boyfriend who i both cared about and trusted... The part that
scared me is that if someone who cares abotu me does something like that, just
think of what strangers can do....
--Kayla, Female, USA
hope it doesn't sound silly. I guess my biggest fear is allowing my fears and
emotions to rule my life. I'm an alchoholic and a drug addict and when I used
it was too suppress all the feelings that were too much to deal with. I spent
years of my life anesthesized while I others worked through the hard times and
moved on. I'm a year clean and sober now but just because I don't drink or drug
anymore doesn't mean I'm ok. All the emotions I never dealt with are kicking
my ass. The fact that my parents were emtionaly absent, that I was abused by
my brother that I was lonely for so long with nothing to my name made me feel
like I was ugly, dumb, unlovable, worth nothing. These aren't excuses for my
drinking but at the time they were my reasons and by drinking I alienated myself
from everyone even more until I found a place so lonely I can't describe. I'm
tring to move on now and get a real life but all those gohsts of my past affect
me so hard it's hard to tell if I'm being paranoid or grounded in reality and
if I can't tell that how can I keep from making reckeless, hurtfull decisions,
or from being too timid to take things on the way they ought to be. I'm afraid
of the giant my emotions have become in the years of neglecting them because
now they rule me and I wish they didn't. I wish I was an ok guy who could stop
to apreciate life and amount to something worthwile. I guess I lack balls.
--Kris, Male, USA
AFRAID THAT THERE WON'T BE ENOUGH STUDIES DONE ON POST PARTUM DEPRESSION AND
PSYCHOSIS TO PREVENT INFANTICIDE AND CHILD ABUSE. JUST LIKE PMS NO ONE TAKE
THIS SERIOUSLY. UNFORTUNATELY THE OUTCOME IS MUCH WORSE THAN PMS THE OUT COME
OF POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION AND PSYCHOSIS COULD LEAD TO THE INJURY OR DEATH OF
YOUR NEW BORN, BY THE MOTHERS OWN HANDS WHILE SHE IS IN A PSYCHOTIC STATE. THROUGH
NO FAULT OF THE MOTHERS SHE IS BECOMMING MORE AND MORE DEPRESSED AND EVENTUALY
IF UNTREATED BECOMES PSYCHOTIC. THIS HAPPENS TO 1 IN 1000 WOMEN YET NO ONE RECOGNIZES
THIS ILLNESS, BECAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO BELEIVE THAT GIVING BIRTH CAN CAUSE THESE
SIDE EFFECTS. IT IS A HORMONAL IMBALANCE. EXTREME PMS IF YOU WILL AND IT CAUSES
WOMEN TO HURT AND EVEN KILL THERE BABIES. THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF WOMEN IN PRISON
FOR INANTISIDE AND CHILD ABUSE SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY BECAME MENTALLY ILL DUE TO
A HORMONAL IMBALANCE WHICH COULD HAVE BEEN TREATED AND THE CHILD ABUSE OR THE
KILLING OF A BABY COULD HAVE! BEEN PREVENTED IF ONLY PEOPLE WOULD WAKE UP AND
BE EDUCATED ABOUT THIS VERY SERIOUS ILLNESS. WOMEN NEED HEL AFTER THEY HAVE
A BABY. THE USA IS EXASERBATING THIS PROBLEM BY INSISTING WOMEN BE SUPER WOMEN.
DO IT ALL. WELL WE CANT AND ALL FOF HUMANITY IS SUFFERING BECAUSE DOCTORS WANT
TO BLAME THIS MENTAL BREAKDOEN ON UNDERLYING MENTAL ILLNESSES. THIS IS SIMPLY
NOT TRUE AND IT IS A COVER UP FOR WHAT IS REALLY HAPPENING. YOUR OBGYN HAS A
RESPONSIBILITY TO EDUCATED YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ON POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION AND
PSYCHOSIS. THERE ARE SEVERAL BOOKS WRITTEN ON THIS ISSUE WHY CANT YOU FIND A
DIAGNOSIS IN THE MEDICAL BOOKS BECAUSE THEY DENY IT EXISTS. SO IT GOES UNTREATED
AND YOU END UP GOING CRAZY. MY FEAR IS MORE BABIES WILL DIE BECAUSE ON ONE WILL
--Donna Rae, Female, USA
FEAR THE ENEVETIABLE, THE WORLD BECOMING A COLD, CALLUS, AND HEARTLESS NEST
OF UNCARING, UNLOVING, AND ANTI SOCIAL INDIVIDUALS WHO COCOON AND LACK THE SOCIAL
FIBRE NEEDED TO ENRICH, TEACH, AND ENLIGHTHEN THE LIVES OF OTHERS WITHIN THE
REALM OF OUR EXISTANCE. NO TO MENTION THE VASTNESS OF OUR SURROUNDING MASS OF
A COSMOS THAT WE ARE JUST A MINUTE SPECK IN A ENORMOUS POOL OF FLYING DEBRIS,
AND COSMIC CHAOS, ONE HAMMER OF GOD AND WERE GONE, AS THE GREAT DINOSAURS. BE
WELL, LOVE EVERYONE, DO GOOD WORK, PRAISE GOD!
--Anthony, Male, USA
have SO many fears. I wonder if everything will be Ok tomorrow, if people are
lying when they compliment me, if I will touch someone's life and make a difference,
if my friends die and sudenlly, life isn't worth living, if my family dies and
I can't cry, if no one ever understands me and will live with me, if all my
work is for nothing and no one really cares, if I will die alone and crying,
And probablly the BIGGEST one, I will have someone I know, but are not really
close to, get really sick and die, and I will want to greive and feel guilty
because no one understands (I am an emotional person.)
--Becca, Female, USA
a geat question. I've been looking on the web and haven't found the word for
my fear but I know it has one. I wasn't always like this but I'm definitely
gripped by it now. I'm afraid of bridges. I can't drive over one to save my
life. I can get across small ones (if I'm driving) andones that have no water
beneath them but large ones with water...forget about it. I can be a passenger
on the big ones because I can close my eyes. If I have to drive across one I
get so anxious I want to pass out. I get sweaty, jittery, and nauseous. If another
person is in the car that can drive I can most times get across a bridge that
is maybe a half mile long. But anything over that I will not dare to drive.
I've actually passed out on the Oakland Bay Bridge in California and woke up
on the Oakland side. Good thing my wife was in the car.
--reggie jamison, Male, USA
my resilience....not being able to get back up emotionally after being hit with
a severe blow...this year has brought many reversals, and I keep getting up
and going on. I wonder if one time I won't get back up again, or won't care
if I do. I am afraid of forgetting who I am and what the point of living is.
I am NOT afraid of dying.
--Karen, Female, USA
--Adam, Male, USA
not afraid of death nor am I afraid of the unknown after death. I'm just afraid
of not living.
--DodgerBlue, Male, USA
name it I am just going to say that for years I have had many ideas, inventions,(but
never had invented them or patented or even ended up doing sao but I have tried)even
thoughts that are bizarre or even thoughts that could change me our history
or even the world, not only that thoughts about that but thoughts where u can
have an idea of changing something you did, also thouhghts about future,presnt,and
past. The point is there are things getting away for me that are not as important
as something else. It can be small or big. But the thing is I am 15 an am not
sure if there is God or not I mean there are lots of reasons why there can be
one but there are also lots of reasons why there can not be. I also can have
doubt about other htings to. I mean alot of things I believe has to do with
how we think but some things have to do with how with what is really true yet
we might be sure or might not. I just wanted to know if anyone can email me
and help m! e with thiS. It might even help other people to. ok Well thanks
and I hope this helped.
Chris, Male, USA
afraid of leaving this world without having discovered what my life was all
about. I'm afraid that I will die before I get to fulfill God's plan for me
and I will be gone before I get to put my brick on the great wall of humanity...
--Panagiwta, Female, USA
satan next year , finding out im not crazy ,myself
--Michael, Male, USA
ultimate fear is living my life as a "Christian" without really knowing or understanding
what is expected of me. I have confessed Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior,
and I know in my heart that he died on the cross to save me from a life of sin.
How do you repay that? I am POSITIVE it is not by living in sin-yet we all sin
daily. I am no exception. I only pray that God truly knows my heart and that
accounts for something. I will continue to pray and stay on my knees begging
forgiveness, but I can not escape my fear of HELL!!
--Janice, Female, USA
Have been with a man for 7yrs now. We have been through alot, I mean alot. Some
times he lies to me alot, about mostly little things , like telling me he was
going fishing, but come to find out on my own, he went out partying with his
friends. I figured it out the next day. My Id was flipped backwords, he had
a bag of close in the trunck, He wont admit it but I know he went out. Im always
scared of him lying, I dont like him to leave, but i dont say anything. I wonder
if its me. Being afraid I will never be able to trust him and being able to
really be completly happy some time in my life. Im always scared that somethings
gonna happen to my kids, i dont let my kids go out alone they are 3 and 4 my
4yr old likes to go out side alot and whare we live there is alot of traffic.
And sometimes i feel bad cause i dont have the time to take them out all the
time and they get board. ! Im mostly afraid Im never gonna be able to provide
the life for my kids like i want. I got a new car, which has been one of my
dreams. Now i want a house so bad, so my kids can have little pool, and a swingset
all the things they want before they get big. And my mom has helped me out so
much, i am so grateful for that. I want to be able to pay her back. I am also
afraid of being alone. i want people to like me. I dont mind being alone in
the house for a while, but when i go some whare i like company.Some times i
feel like im gonna go crazy. Sorry if all this sounds kind of corny.
--Tanya, Female, USA
I am afraid of the sxual abuse I went htrough as a small child. I am afraid of spreading like an infectiuse disease. I am also afraid of my reaction to the person who sexually abused my 15 month old son,I almost killed her when I caught! I think the one thing above everything else that scares me the most is the fact when I turned that person in they would do nothing about what she done! In fact nobody would do anything,we were left to try to cope with a very small child that does not under stand what has happened,and very bitter realatives who will not talk to us for pointing out something wrong in the family!
I was small the system did not recognize boys as victims of sexual abuse. I
thought with all these statistics out there they would at least point us in
the right direction! But instead it was the opposit we ended up having to move
someplace different to escape the retaliations of our family! So here I am very
bitter and confused scared to death for the poor inoccent children who are hurt
everyday by the people they love and trust. It has been extreemly hard for me
to be able to trust anyone and now I watch myson go through the same problems
I am still having trusting any one even the family ,especially the family! At
this time Iam so full of hate and rage I feel like it is consuming me! I have
even thought of taking both my kids and leaving my wife because she wants to
give into her family and let them near our children again!
--BITTER & CONFUSED, Male, USA
afraid of losing what little control i have in my life. Im afraid that I will
never accomplish anything, and that God will think he wasted time on me. Im
afraid that the people I love will never understand all that I have to offer.
--jenny, Female, USA
be alone...and be surrounded by people...to speak in front of an audience...To
go to bed and not wake up to say good bye...what am I afraid of? to not be able
to smell a rose...to not be able to move my fingers and touch the sky...to not
be able to kiss again...to not see colors...To be dependent and wingless...To
love and not be loved back...to hurt someone like I've been hurt...to stumble
on the same rock...to change my odor...to not understand the purpose of me here...to
have sex and not make love...what I'm afraid of? of the unknown....
--Ale, Female, USA
afraid of life...of living...of failure...of dissapointment...which I encouter
every day in some form or way. I still deal with it but poorly. I'm afraid of
literally losing my mind and falling into a state of insanity which I will feel
so safe in I will not have the will to come out of. I have some will but no
faith...My will is based on anger at myself for being the way I am...I have
no faith because nothing seems valuable enough for me to give my life for...I
was not like this at one time but I threw everything I valued away because I
wasnt happy with it now I realize how valuable those things were but its too
late...Im lost...groping from solid object to solid object unappreciative and
yes, a selfish ingrate...Everyone has there own way of dealing with fear, I
shun it and battle it out inside privately. Fear is a sign of weakness and I
don't want to be seen like that so I keep my guard up all the time in public
and I tend to push people away who want to help me, and I build walls around
me as a form of protection...My distrust is nothing but fear...I cannot help
it, that is how I've become...I'm afraid
--Venus, Female, USA
compromising and destroying myself as a person, inevitably turning into another
materialistic hedonistic self centered zombie (like the rest of America)
--Dave Otis, Male, USA
are the most frightful images i see in my dreams. mainly i fear them because
they are the ones to put on a mask of happiness and everyone on the outside
is happy and laughs but nobody really cares about what is underneath the mask.
i fear that society is filled with clowns...
--celestial lefave, Female, USA
greatest fear is spending my entire life without ever really being loved. It
seems that I'll never find someone that truely cares about me. The lonliness
eats me up inside. Every time I thought I'd found "the one" I've ended up with
a broken heart.
--Jenn, Female, USA
dieing alone. of dark deep water. To have my whole family turn on me to not
care.I think the only thing that is keeping my fear so great is the fact that
i know im going to die alone and in agony. other than that i really dont care
jow i die you only live once as long as no one takes my life from me i will
haunt them till there last family memberis dead.
--Eric, Male, USA
fear that in the end, I will be abandoned by all those I know and care for.
I fear that someday each one of them will look at me and decide to separate,
to sever their skin and life from ever touching mine again. That I would glance
to each side, reach out my arms, finally reaching out, and touch space.
--Ashley Stewart, Female, USA
am afraid of a visually illiterate society. I am afraid that concepts like humanity
and compassion will no longer be practiced and or strived for. I am afraid of
computers (a little ironic huh?).
--Anonymous, Male, USA
am scared that I will never find a man that I am deeply in love with that feels
the same for me cause so far I've been very unlucky and now Im all alone and
thats another thing i fear is being alone/lonely! I need someone to be all that
I want/need! But I cant find the stupid mother fucker he must be hiding!
--Amylynn, Female, USA
am afraid of forgeting truths that took so long to learn in this life. I am
afraid in my next life I could be a person without the desire or environment
to become enlighten.
--Mike Martin, Male, USA
course, I have the standard fears you mentioned above (the fear of being alone
for the rest of my life, the fear of being invisible and unloved, blah blah
blah.) But my biggest and most horrific fear is one that is more existential:
I fear that, although my experience of the world has been basically fairly benign,
in reality the entire thing is the creation of an evil creative force. In other
words, I guess my deepest fear could be said to be that God is not supremely
good but is supremely evil.
--Alison Fredricksen, Female, USA
am afraid dying and the thought of my body in a grave.
--br, Female, USA
washed away into the drone of the city. having people know my secrets, for fear
of rejection.Complaining about my fears too much.
--sony pharmakis, Female, USA
guess Ireally don't no for sure whats going on in myhead but it's real scarey
for me .I set and think about it all the time i just set and think and want
to cry i am very afraid of this and i don't no what to d about it i have very
loving friends but i want to push tham away as fare as i can i don't want to
let tham get to close to me i'm a fraid i'll really get hurt so i just don't
let any one get to close. i just set hear and shiver as i write this down what
is going on with me i really don't want to get close to myself Ihave a very
good boss and she trys to help me but i feel like i can't let anyone help me
becouse i'm a failuare and i won't be able to live up to there standards they
set for me. so why am i even asking for help anyway i really don't no.
--T.J., Female, USA
Wind is the thing that scares me....along with complete nothingness. Wind is
scary because you cnnot see it, but you can hear, and feel it, as well as see
what it can do. Nothingness is scary just because there are unlimitted possibilities,
anything could happen. There is nothing, its vast, its expandable, its condesible,
its just plain bleak. It is creepy, and scary, and completely something that
can make you go insane.
cars. hats flying off of beds daily through the caressless uselessness of a
housewife? or a barren women who tolls constantly tolls alive on nothing but
coffee and the glare of her computer. money money, i will survive on my own.
my own money, i will not follow in my mother's footsteps. i will survive as
a corporate slave, and not an artist. artistry is nothing more than a manifestation
of my fears. Nightmares? a by product of daily bridge crossings.. laughing so
hard that i am paralized. get a grip on the seriousness of the matter. the purse,
--anonymous, Female, USA
don't even know where to begin. Weather it is of losing my sanity because of
all the negitivity around me, never seeing my family again, losing the one I've
gained because of all the problems I have, night terrors, or just plain old
fear. I'm tired and I want to have peace of mind, not being scared of every
shadow that crosses my path.
--sadone, Female, U.S.
--m, Male, USA
am afraid of and tortured by a secret that I have to keep that I think about
every day and that I fail to understand or get over. I feel a huge cold void
here and sometimes am overtaken by the sadness and ugliness of this secret.
I fear that I will feel this way forever, because it has lasted this long. I
am afraid that my thoughts/instincts are true.
--C., Female, USA
most afraid of not knowing the real me,you see after my divorce i realized i
made a mistake so i started taking pain pills to suppress all those feelings.I
believe God does care and wants me to put this behind, but it is so scaring
to start over.
--Susan, Female, United States
basically afraid of living more than I am of dying (although I am afraid of
that too...). I've always felt inadequate and always felt like I had no talent
for anything although people have always told me otherwise. Have very little
self-confidence so compliments people tell me, either I shrug off or say "thank-you"
but don't really believe it. I've always felt like I was dumb comparing to other
people (incl. my friends - which puts a strain on my relationships because I'd
blow up at times even though they're not thinking they're superior to me at
all) and that I'd never amount to much. Even things I so desparately want to
learn, I seem to have no talent for and I'm hopeless at them - tend to teach
myself most things but sometimes, it just does not work out. So with all this,
I'm afraid of everything I'm supposed to do in life...jobs scare me, people
scare me, etc. Almost a college graduate (graduate this semester as a graphic
designer), but I don't feel I have the co! nfidence to make it out there. I
push friends/relatives away because I'm afraid they're going to leave me (if
it's inevitable, I'd rather push them away myself than live with the pain of
them leaving) and I don't want to be here anymore - wish I was never born.
--Janice, Female, USA
Nightmares? Both! Sometimes I wake up and I'm confused,as if I'm unsure unsure
of my surroundings.I feel like I've never existed,for the moment,at least. My
poems seem to help vent some pent up anger.Also,Idon't like any honey when it
comes with a bee!
--Keri, Female, USA
fear is...I just became a new mom, and I fear that someway, somehow my little
boy is gonna be taken away from me..death, someone stealing him. My other fear
is that I am gonna die a hard death, I always thought that this was gonna happen
to me....Please God "NO". My other fear is not being able to find the right
person in life to spend my life with. I have someome now (8 yrs) but not much
longer. Those are a few of my fears. Thank you for reading.
--Lisa, Female, USA
I have been educated in both art and engineering and both have effected me profoundly.
I often wonder at the comming age of super tecnology, and peoples inability
to do and create. I see so manypeople reling on what is provided and not learning
how to provide for them selves. It is not so difficult to make somthing for
your self, but most do not, they would rather buy somthing prefabbricated. I
gusee my fear is that things will continue allong these lines to the point that
no one will know how to any more. people will just shop and shop and shop and
--Richard, Male, USA
and in the darkness. Knowing that not one person is there to be with you. A
lonlyness and inablilty to search for others because it's too dark to see. Too
dark to move. So that's what I do. Scared of the dark, in the dark. Curled up
in a ball and waiting for it to be over so I can finally search for the others.
Because while it's dark....I'm so scared to even breathe. Much less move.
--Lucas, Male, USA
that's a strong word. Eversince I have been a young child I have been afraid
of eyes. They can change a person. You can see everything about a person in
their eyes and I don't want people to see me inside out. I don't want people
to be able to tell my feelings, my joys and my fears... it makes me very vonurable.
They are the windows to your soul. Another fear is the monster that rests within
my own self. The hate, and non-acceptance, and jealousy, and fear. These are
all elements of my monster and I am afraid of him and that is why he is able
to take over at some points in my life. He's always with me but he can't always
get out which is good but when he does, it's frightening. I'm afraid of ghosts...
of spirits that have things to do on this earth and decide I need to be involved
for whatever reason. My eyes have become someone elses... I looked in the mirror
and I was not who I am... perhaps it was my monster peering out through my eyes
or perhaps it was something else... either way it's kept me away from mirrors
ever since. Eyes are both beautiful and absolutely terrifying to me. This is
probably my greatest fear. Like in the introduction, I am afraid of being un-loved
but that is not my greatest fear. I could live a life without a life partner.
I could not live a life without friends. The day my monster takes over and I
have no more friends will be the day that... well, I don't know but I know that
I won't be happy and I will have brought it upon myself so I guess that I'm
afraid of myself.
--Raven, Female, USA
both my partents
dying and i'm all alone. me hurting myself to much and bad
--Carla, Female, USA
I'm afraid of losing
the persons and animals I love. I'm afraid of losing my daughter, my husband,
my sisters, my Mother, my birds. I know it sounds kooky, but that is what I'm
most afraid of.
--Jean, Female, USA
old!! Afraid of aging and poor health, my body wearing out and then death.
--Missy, Female, USA
I AM SCARED TO
DEATH TO DIE!
--Lynn, Female, USA
hello your project sounds great. (in a realistic scary way) my fear is that
im enterin a state of depression healed today by drugs or by a long drawn out
life of constant reminders. my brain won't not think of my past relationship(marriage).
it's been 'bout a yr now and every day sometime it seems like all day i think
about her enjoyin life with him. i need to not think about them. my fear is
it won't stop, that tomorrow it will be there agian. it may never end. i will
never feel peace and luv agian.. sorry bout spellin but i to am an artist more
visual than litural. ihope this will fit in to your proj. shane
--Shane, Male, USA
afraid of not being successful. I'm afraid that I will not live up to the expectations
of the people around me.
--Korrin, Female, USA
primary fears...1. getting alheizmers disease and becoming a burdon on my family.
2. Not really being a saved christian after all and spending eternity in hell
--Mary, Female, USA
--Chad, Male, USA
fear growing old. I fear being sent to a nursing home, to spend the final years
of my life bedridden and alone.
--J.A., Male, USA
fear is based on a very personal event in my life, and this is why I am omitting
my name and email. I am happy to help you, and I find that telling this fear
is a good release for me. I am 18 now, and when I was 16, my mother's boyfriend
sexually abused me. Because of the nature of the situation, it is hard to explain
to people that what happened was abuse. He never threatened me, and that is
why people do not always understand how a 16-year old could have been abused
for months. I must admit to people when they ask that it was a difficult situation.
Your mind and body tell you separate things. My fear is that in the future,
when I am seriously involved with someone, that they will not understand what
happened to me, and that they will think I am a sick person, since this happened
with my mom's boyfriend. That is what I am afraid of. I hope this helps you,
though I am not sure how you would portray a fear like that. Good Luck! And
thanks for reading this.
--Anonymous, Female, USA
and infinity, period.
--Bryan, Male, USA
I'm afraid of creating a world for myself in which I exist in a false sense
of happiness. I fear losing my own thoughts and feelings on love, life and reality
to the conformity of living life as a "normal" person in this society. I fear
losing my mind if I were to not conform to some degree, and my heart if I do.
I'm afraid when I speak from the heart, and people either choose not to listen
or aren't able to listen and understand, then my heart will break, and I will
lose my trust and my ability to communicate my truths. I'm afraid if I were
to become what they wanted and compromised myself, that I would lose my hope
and desires, and somehow, the desire to go on. I'm afraid of being totally self
absorbed and unable to get past my own thoughts and feelings in order to communicate
with everyone-even those who don't share my beliefs.
--Female-27, Female, USA
fears are : 1. I'm afraid of dying a painful death. 2. I'm afraid that I could
lose my family and be left alone in the world.
--Downsouth420, Male, America
left by my husband for another woman and having to raise a family alone after
getting married would have to be my biggest fear. My parents are divorced and
it puts a lot of stress on the family. That is something that I hope I will
never have to experience.
I often and I mean often have nightmares of my boyfriend falling in love with someone else and leaving me. We have been dating for 7 years and just recently I had a dream where we fought because of another woman but in this dream we made up in the end.
--Marie, Female, USA
afraid that I will not teach my son discipline. I fear that one day he will
lash out at me in anger for not staying with his father. I'm afraid that I will
go through life without making an impact on the lives of ohers. I long to find
a love as true and passionate as the love that I have to offer, to Mike. But
what if I don't? I fear that I will never find the "right" person.
--Teri, Female, USA
a loved one (husband, friends, family)
--Amber, Female, USA
I was very young I was eating with my mother at a fast food restaraunt. At the
table across from ours sat an old man chewing his food slowly, food particles
in his beard, unhappy look on his face. It was at this point in my life that
I realized my biggest fear is growing old and having no one near me for the
little day to day things that are so important. I realized that I need someone
in my life to "groom my beard" and make me smile. You could say lonliness would
be my biggest fear, but it goes so much deeper than that. To be old and watching
your time run out alone, that is my biggest fear. The worst part is, after a
certain point there are very few things an old man can do to change that.
--Wil, Male, USA
I went to Delicate Arch in Utah it looked like everyone was so close to the
edge and would fall off. I'm extremely afraid of falling and heights. I close
my eyes and see myself accidently slipping... Then I'm afraid of the usual:
what if I'm in the wrong religion and wasting all this energy and worry? what
if I could've married someone more suited to me? Another fear is war or being
singled out and publicly mocked because of beliefs or groups I belong to. I'm
also afraid of even the idea of chemical warfare or biological. I'm afraid of
technology to some degree, in that we have to live with what we create. What
do I think is a good remedy: love. hope. honesty. courage. and staying far away
from the edge of cliffs.
--Jan, Female, USA
am terrified of rejection from my dad that he will disregard me or my work as
a joke or fluke.
--Pam, Male, USA
fears of the dark still persist. i am now a 24 year old college student and
i still can't sleep at night without the light on. I get the occasional irrational
fear of washing my face in front of the mirror. I feel like my own reflection
is making faces at me, so i always keep one eye open just in case. I'm not afraid
of realistic horror, like "Silence of the Lambs", but the supernatural I have
a hard time dealing with. maybe it is the fear of the unknown. maybe it's the
common fear of losing control. the thing is i'm interested in that kind of thing,
i want those things to be real. I just don't want them revealing themselves
to me. maybe if they did i'd find out if i could really handle knowing that
there is a hidden world that exists. i'm afraid of death. i'm afraid of forgetting
what it is to be a child.
--Anonymous, Female, USA
i'm afraid of trusting that people won't judge me based on my looks but on my brain.
not being able to improve my looks.
worrying so much about my looks that i forget that people out there everywhere the person next to you is
suffering for some reason, and for this person maybe it doesn't show. but they are, trust me.
--Whitney, Female, USA
have a fear of being alone in public places. its not so bad that it incopasitates
me but i am unable to for example go shopping alone. when i am alone at home
i feel very relaxed and comfortable, but once i am out in public i often feel
as if i need to rush to be home, i feel like i am not safe. i still go out alone
i am just saying that 9 times out of 10 if given the choice i will stay home
rather than go out shopping or to a movie alone.
--Anonymous, Female, USA
biggest fear is of turning around and seeing that my past didn't warrant the
pain of living it. It's a fear that I didn't take the chances that I should
have, didn't cross the road but stayed contently on the sidelines. It's a fear
of getting tired after 40 years of living.
--Leonard, Male, USA
by my children at the death of my husband. Not being in comtrol of my finances
and my life.
--Mimi, Female, USA
deepest fear would be to be raped. I am in a very loving relationship and to
be violated in such a way, i think would prevent me from being close to my boyfriend.
Aftre something like that i don't think being sexually intimate with anyone
would be possible for me. How horrible!
--Alden, Female, USA
afraid of not being able to get it up when i get old
--Blake, Male, USA
am afraid of my life. i am zero person. i probably wont amount to much. i never
thought i would make it past the age of 18, so i never thougth about what i
would do and things like that. i dont really want to start "life", with a "real"
job and things like that. i dont want to get old. i am scared of always being
a piece of crap, is sucks
--Kellan, Male, USA
fear of losing sence of what i truely need to do in life follows me far behind
as i reach out into the world and begin creating and learning. the fear of not
quite reaching my goal of helping transform the worlds people and their mind
sets to live a healthy life. perhaps i wont make it far enough, learn enough,
be able to get a message across, perhaps i will not be able to keep up and i'll
be left behind in the back winds of creativity moving faster then i. and then
perhaps my art wont quite forfill the desire to express the light and beauty
of the world i want to share.. perhaps since i come from the place of creating
art for myself, that the message wont reach farther then that. but my fears
follow far behind, its only when i doubt and look behind with scetchy eyes that
i become my fear.
--Mihr, Female, USA
into the ruts of past generations; failing to live up to my committments/responsibilities
that come with being a parent, husband and grown child.
--Gary, Male, USA
being left alone again
--Barnes, Female, USA
constantly terrorize my nightmares. They seem to come out of nowhere, long,
fat snakes surrounding me, and smothering the room I'm in. In one particular
dream, during a simple stroll in a park, a snake ambushed me from a tree. It
jumped on my head, but luckily, I was able to brush it off and run away before
any more harm was done. During another nightmare, a snake bit my leg, and yet
again, I was able to escape.
--Anonymous, Female, USA
fear that this resigned and shackled world is an unworthy misty wraith of moisture
filled with screaming winds framed by a vital and unconcerned sun clarifying
the mystery of a dramatic spectacle forseen by an exhausted vacancy of ozone
locked inside a vast, black-faced shadow of profane illusions of self-worth
and godlessness. A tempest of fire from the backsides of righteousness castrated
by toils in a chasm of history, famine, poverty and chaos. A clear interpretation
of an extraordinary revolution lending an essence of stupidity driven in a circuitous
route, leading to the birth of the Monk Calf and the Whore of Babylon. Other
than that I feel fine. Don't you? Snotgrog. copyright 1999, All rights reserved.
Permission granted for use in this art project by Zoe only.
Infractions will be dealt with by Voodoo Pusher Spider, the Black Witch of Sixty Mile Bluff.
--Snotgrog, MAle, USA
darkest fear is never being able to find love or accept love
--Kelli, Female, USA
am afraid of going in wrong directions, of spreading myself too thin, and never
finding my true path.I am afraid that i will never have the guts to leap, and
will regret it later.
Vanessa, Female, USA
am not afraid of heights, but I am deathly afraid of falling.
--Kathleen, Female, USA
OF NOT BECOMING WHATEVER IT IS I WAS BORN TO DO.
.....AFRAID OF NOT KNOWING MYSELF COMPLETELY.
.....AFRAID OF AFRAID OF GIVING ALL I AM TO ONE PERSON.
.....AFRAID OF BECOMING MUNDANE.
Jae, Female, USA
son who is seven years old has fears of rain and lightning. The fear is so severe
that it handicappes him for that period of time, he is very obsessive with clouds
and rain, forever looking out the window to see the color of the sky. I need
to help him.
--S. Katz, Male, USA
physical and mental to myself and others
--Anonymous, Female, USA
share a common fear with a lot of young women. i recognize and yet fear that
i define myself by the eyes of others, but nevertheless i continue in this behavior.
i define myself before the eyes of a future husband. in the eyes of people who
sit near me on the subway. in the eyes of those who i think will never love
me the way i can love them. the fear infects other aspects of my life: that
my career, my hopes, my dreams, my future, all rests on what people see: what
visual statement i make myself to be is the only statement people will ever
come to accept. the clothing is not necessarily important, as much is my gender,
or flesh i wear, the color of skin, the expression on my face, the accessory
of whoever may be walking down the street with me. that this all may not be
reflecting my true personality, but that is all the world will ever see in me.
i fear the world only believes in concrete visual observations, external truths.
that they won't recognize me someday if i'm the same girl in a different dress.
--Anne, Female, USA
am scared of failing in life it self i hate failing in anything
--Anonymous, Female, USA
afraid of shipwrecks.Not of being in one,but the actual wreckage itself.Pretty
much anything that has been underwater for a long period of time unnerves me..but
shipwrecks specifically fill me with crippling fear.The first time I saw a documentary
on Titanic I became violently ill.I still have nightmares of the image of the
chandelier that still hangs over Titanic's main staircase...I see myself walking
through her decaying halls,and picking up objects that once belonged to people
long gone.A walking cane,a perfume bottle,a picture frame.All these objects
look so familiar to me and it horrifies me.But it's not always the dream itself
or the images I see while in this dream.What really scares me about all of it
is the feeling of having relived memories when I wake up.Detailed memories of
a place which Ive never been,much less even had the stomach to see in pictures....like
I'd been there before and now should all be sentimental.I know that facing your
fears is the best way to be rid of them,but I'm scared that finding the root
of this paralizing fear and the source of my nightmares will only intensify
it..and that the root itself it the only true thing to be afraid of.
--April, Female, USA
many to choose from...I suppose my greatest fear is that I'll let my fears hold
me back.I'm afraid of never getting over my insecurities....these keep me from
truly knowing myself,or letting anyone else know me.I'm married to a wonderful
man..we have a bright future...but Im still afraid that I'll never be happy
with myself....That I'll never realize my own worth.
--Anonymous, Female, USA
greatest fear is to leave this earth and not find that one extraordinary gift
that's locked deep within. Until I find it, I wander aimlessly on this earthship
spiritless. I cannot feel life. The things that makes the ordinary individual
laugh, cry and just plain happy, escapes me. My heart is in constant pain and
confusion. I know deep deep inside my soul that something's there. Without it,
I cannot be who I truly am. GOD, help me.
--Anonymous, Male, USA
have over a period of time fallen to a kind of fear that is very strange. I
am very serious when I say that I have developed a very deep seated fear of
writing my name or anything else in front of others, I know this is probably
hard to believe but unfortunatly it is true. When I have to sign my name for
a check or credit card, or fill out any type form I have a strong fear that
I will not be able to write. This very stressful and embarassing. I hate this
fear, it is very crippling to me. It is so stupid that I cannot believe this
has become a problem. This is my greatest fear that I have to deal with from
day to day. I probably could win the prize for the most bizaar fear I do not
want the prize.
--Nettraveler2000@hotmail.com, Male, USA
am most afraid that i will have existed without anybody truly having known me.
i am forever running my mouth in fear that nobody is ever really listening or
--Kristal, Female, USA
fear nothing. Anything horrific is meant to be. When it is out of my control
and gives me a fear, it may last for a quick moment and then gone simply because
it is out of my range. I don't believe in fear. If
--Dawn, Female, USA
actually fear many things but am currently working on getting rid of all fear
in my life and this is why I will share them with you.
1) I am afraid my husband will leave me for another.
2) I have a great fear for flying.
3) I fear tragedy in my life such as sudden deaths.
4) I fear not being successful in life.
5) I fear also not fully excuvating my true self.
Well I think that is good start. But let it be known I am consciously working on these daily. Any help or advice is welcomed.
Thank you Dj
--DJ, Female, USA
in a place of nothing an existential nightmare.
let me mean something.
standing alone in a familiar place wondering whether anyone sees anything besides the obvious
let me mean something.
--Anonymous, Female, USA
in love and not being loved back. Putting all my energy into someone to find
out that they want something else that doesn't include you. Wanting to spend
your whole life with someone that doesn't want to spend it with you. I also
fear having children. Not the act of having them but what they are going to
have to live through. With the world the way it is now and when I am ready to
have children I am afraid of what they are going to have to go through. Twenty
years later this world isn't going to be a nice place. If kids are killing themselves
now with automatic weapons and for how bad our schools are now I can't even
imagine how the world is going to be. Makes me never want to have kids which
is sad because all my life people have told me how wonderful a mother I would
--Zoe, Female, USA
collect fears. I fear death and dying. I fear rejecting and rejection. I have
a reoccurring dream, and in this dream I can flying like a bird. I accomplish
this feat just with my thoughts alone. Sometimes I can only manage to hover
a few feet above the ground, but it is an amazing experience nonetheless. I
fly high atop the city gazing at the increasingly diminishing, bound-to-earth
pedestrians, the skyscraper horizon and the green mountaintops. Then I awake,
afraid that I will never fly. I m afraid of becoming a self absorbed, narcissistic,
misanthropic coward, while in an attempt to avoid being exposed, reluctantly
compensates for my inadequacies with forced displays of altruism and compassion.
I collect fears. I fear I will never love myself again. I fear that I will not
cease to be afraid.
--Montece, Male, USA
fear I'll reach the end of my life without taking enough risks.
I fear regret.
I fear never finding my soulmate.
I fear I am my own worst enemy.
--Karla, Female, USA
have never feared lonliness, never feared never getting married, or being invisible...fear
is much more abstract for me.
When fear finds me, it grabs me by the base of my skull and causes my eyes to water. Even a memory of fear can cause the water to fill my eyes, or even someone elses memory of fear....I have an extremely vivid imagination and everyone, it seems, has a personal story of the frightening and unexplained if you dig deep enough.
A history of my fear: When I was 2, I was terrified of "stickers". As we walked down the road near our home, my mother would warn me not to get in the "stickers". Of course, she meant only that I shouldn't wander into the thistles and brambles...how could she know that a fear would blossom in my mind? I was never sure what would happen to me if I got in the stickers, but they loomed 10 feet tall in my mind, and I was certain that I would die.
When I was 4, I was frightened of a large statue of a bear outside of the museum of natural history. I thought it would come alive and eat me if I got too close. My father held me up next to it, despite my tears, so that my picture could be taken, and I learned to confront my fear for the first time.
Perhaps I am 6 when my mother tells me her stories about the woods behind our home in rural Colorado. She swears that on certain nights in late summer, she could hear the moaning and crying of women and children carried on the wind from that direction. My mother, who did believe in ghosts, thought that maybe they were the souls of indians who used to inhabit the area.
When I was 8, I was swimming in a lake near my home as my mother watched. Suddenly I realised that everything was perfectly still and calm. No birds sang...no insects buzzed...there was no wind. Looking at the perfectly still water, I imagined the long neck of a lake monster rising out of it. It was a powerful image, and more than a decade later I can still see every detail of it. I was afraid to go in that water again for a very long time.
When I was 11, I learned that fear could be a very pleasurable sensation. One October night, I wandered around at night along the shores of a much bigger lake with a friend. The lake is very old, and many, many, people are said to have drowned in it. We fed each other's fears that night, and trembled. It was a delicious sort of fear, and that night spawned a love/hate relationship with fear that follows me to this day.
At age 13, I had the most terrifying experience of my life. It was early in the night, after my parents had gone to bed and I was preparing to. I can remember looking into the mirror over my dresser. There was a small pocketknife with a red plastic handle that I owned, and it was sitting on the dresser. I opened it up and was holding it while I looked at my reflection. Suddenly I was possessed with the strongest urge to stab the knife blade into my own eye. I clenched the knife in my fist and brought it slowly up until the blade was pointed at my right eye. I just stood their staring at it, knowing that I must plunge it deep into my eye socket. I could imagine what it would feel like going in, I could feel the pain that would follow. I stood their still and silent for a very long time, as if in a trance....and then suddenly the spell was broken and I threw the knife against the room and trembled. I hid that knife for years....but I kept it. I still have it though it makes me uncomfortable to look at....I guess I like knowing where exactly where it is, rather than knowing it was out there somewhere. I was introduced to a very dark part of myself that night, and it terrifies me still.
In my late teens I developed a phobia of driving on the ice after I lost control and my car slid off a 20 ft. embankment. I was not hurt, but from that moment on I have been uncomfortable on the ice. Once, driving down an icy hill, I was certain that I was going to lose control and fear swallowed me, causing me to nearly black out.
I am 22 years old, an artist. Often my artwork is based on the texture of fear....or has veins of fear running through it. I embrace my fears for the sake of my art, and my biggest fear now is losing touch with my fear, and my other powerful emotions. More than anything I want my art actually inspire people to feel, and that's why I must confess that I am jealous of you, Zoe...jealous that this is your project and not mine, jealous because I will probably never get to even see it, because this is exactly the sort of project that has the power to move people. I wish you the best of luck with it.
--Jason, Male, USA
(A Success Story)
In November of 1998, artist Ron Kowalke returned from abroad in physical and psychological tatters. The excursion, which concluded with a nearly fatal case of food poisoning, had left him despondent, pallid, underweight and in some pain. Earlier on, Ron's trip had been dotted with a few challenging, but probably more-or-less innocuous, mishaps. Distinguishing them from a collection of rather standard traveler's inconveniences, though, was Ron's reaction - an involuntary, unrelenting and apparently disproportionate feeling of dread. Sustained medical attention remedied the sequela of food poisoning, but the dread persisted, and gave way to episodes of terror. And soon the terror became virtually immobilizing. Ron had embarked for travels in Europe and Asia following two years of remarkably high energy, productivity and professional success. He'd been on a roll, but now he felt broken, unclear mentally, virtually unable to accomplish anything artistic, and he was deeply apprehensive about returning to his university classroom to teach. I'm Don Hallock. I've been Ron's counselor for about three years. In our first meetings after Ron's return, he explained that a good night's sleep had become a rare and elusive blessing, and that throughout the day it was as though he'd been buried beneath a ponderous boulder, having to force himself even to take a walk along the beach. He thought of himself as being caught in a depression, and yet some of his symptoms simply didn't conform to a depressive profile. (A physician he was seeing opted for the word 'melancholy' to describe what she felt Ron was experiencing.) He described his emotional life as 'rocking-and-rolling' and yet, oddly enough, what little energy he had available seemed to be finding its way into the healing of old disagreements, and the repair of friendships which had fallen on hard times. He lapsed into periods of uncontrollable sobbing and seemingly bottomless (though often not strictly personal) grief. Formerly something of a warrior, he was quite visibly softening. His attitudes and his opinions of others began to assume a distinctly compassionate, supportive and positive tone. He would engage in periods of remarkably lucid self appraisal. And on a few very special days, found himself emerging into periods of something resembling bliss. In fact, Ron had triumphed over a true depression about ten years earlier. His therapy at that time, uncovered powerful themes reflecting a childhood full of emotional and physical abuse. In his teens, he had pursued a career in art partly as a way out of his family situation, but in later years his psyche could no longer carry the burden, and he broke down. Courageously, Ron again turned to art as a resource. He produced a series of vivid and painfully descriptive emotive paintings. A one man exhibition of the work achieved critical acclaim, and offered others with similar histories encouragement and a public connecting point. The present episode seemed somewhat different, though, and knowing that the outcome of an experience is largely determined by the paradigm in which it is approached, we decided to think of it as transformational in nature, rather than pathological. (A transformational model suggests that any given difficulty is simply a stage of change on the way to healing, not a dead-ended state of sickness from which one simply tries to get better. There is much to be learned in and from a transformational process, while there may few 'insight' benefits available in a 'sickness' model.) Our work together indicated that the childhood abuse carried a much smaller emotional valence in the present than it had ten years earlier. The focus of this disturbance was far less specific. In fact Ron seemed to be following an extended trajectory of healing - having cleared much of his own specific childhood trauma, he appeared to be moving on to more general, and even universal concerns. It appeared that what was left of Ron's childhood difficulties (growing up in particularly rough areas of Chicago) and his later experiences as a creative individual in an often inhospitable society, had left him feeling like something an outsider in a world which did not seem safe. The feeling which had become Ron's more or less constant companion was simply mortal dread. Food poisoning had brought Ron too close for comfort to the death of the body, and his increasing appreciation of the immense power of the universe caused him both to contemplate the fragility of mortality and what force it had been that had conspired to produce just the right coincidences that had kept him from dying. He had begun to suspect the presence of some protective force supporting his life, but he didn't know whether it could be real, or whether to trust it even if it was real. It is strange what panicky struggles the body and mind go through in relinquishing their no longer necessary defenses. I suggested to Ron that, even if he had to force himself, he should go home and try to draw a picture of his fear. Four days later he came back with this.... http://www.pixi.com/~insight/ron1.htm
--Ron, Male, USA
fears are with myself not feeling good enough. Being afraid to be in the company
of strangers Feeling like people will look at me as different than they are.
Just having the fear of just not fitting in.I feel that when a persons comes
from a abusive up brings,and he's tought at and early age how to be fearful
about everything which I feel has happened to me.Sometimes I afraid to walk
out of my house, I feel better just to hide. It just seems that everything just
seems so hard to do, I just feel scared all the time and sometimes I not sure
why? So to me fear is just living everyday. Feeling like I live in my own little
--John, Male, USA
am afraid of the results of confrontation. I am afraid of raw emotion that conflicts
with each other. I am afraid of a loss of understanding and relationship with
people. I am afraid to be myself sometimes.
--Marie, Female, USA
fear of water, deep water, that has no bottom. How it just consumes, and I lose
control, It fills my lungs and takes away my breath. That is what I fear.
--Sven, Male, USA
so much now, but in the past I had a fear of burning up in a car. This was also
a nightmare that recurred for 20 years. The cause of the nightmare was an actual
fire that destroyed the entire apartment in NYC that we lived in.
--Nancy, Female, USA
afraid that my time is up.
--Worker, Male, USA
have many fears, from the mediocre..to the ones rooted from an underlying monster
of an ego. The mediocre? Well, to many that is what they are...i fear the car
payment isn't made on time, and sometimes i wake in a panic wondering if it
got repoed while i was sleeping, and i get up and look out the window. I fear
that when i die, there will be no trace of the fact i was here. I fear my daughter
will not see her potential, and squander the gifts she has to offer. I fear
that i have already lived the best part of my life...and i fear that i cannot
finish anything that is truly important. I fear that i am wrong for not believing
--Tara, Female, USA
is difficult to explain the fears and insicurities that we all face within our
lives, but in creating a vague catagory like this there is a huge difference
between fear and neurotic disorder. I think for the most part we all have little
fears and whatnot, but there are people who have some strange shit going on
in there heads...My personal fears deal with not necessaraly the usual, meaning
that I am one of those weird people. I fear about the future, but i also appreciate
it for what it is worth. It is like fire or something like that. You need it
to survive, but yet you can't touch it. That isn't the only fear that i have.
But what can you do...
--Xavierblu@hotmail.com, Male, USA
have read with empathy what others have written in your diary and I am amazed
at people's candor. I so identify with so many people. It is comforting to know
how alike we all are and how similiar and human our fears are. Fear has always
played a big part in my life - from the time I was a little girl unable to walk
up the neighbor block without my mother, to my limitations in relationships
with men to trying to succeed at my job. My fear, both conscious and unconscious,
can be my enemy in one situation and in another, my best motivator. So, because
I want a life more than I am afraid of one, I have examined my fears and how
they effect me and where they come from. Some of them make sense - they are
sound reactions to a fragmented and very unhappy childhood - some of them, I
think that's just who I am. The other night when I was in bed, I was afraid
that when I died and was before God, that I hadn't loved enough people, been
kind to enough people, opened my heart! and truly lived a life that meant something.
I think that thought came to me for a reason. So that's what my fear is today
- and they change and have changed throughout my life. Some I have conquered
- others will keep on popping up and changing me. I hope. Thank you Zoe.
--Elizabeth, Female, USA
afraid of being nothing, and I'm afraid that no one will remember me after I'm
gone. I'm afraid that I never mattered and never will. I'm afraid of feeling
nothing; not caring about anyone, including myself.
--Kirk, Male, USA
hiv+ and i'm afraid of dying... i've been positive for 10 years now. i keep
waiting for my immune system to fail me. the new drugs don't work for me, they're
too toxic. i fear that long term survivors like myself will be forgotten...
--tim lonergan, Male, USA
every choice i made in life was the wrong one
--Andrea, Female, USA
am scared of public speaking, terrified of tornadoes and ticks. I am frightened
of pain. I am scared of the unknown-new pain, death, and the uncertain.
--Amanda, Female, USA
am terrified of not knowing enough information. I fear people will think I am
stupid, and I can't stand looking like I am uneducated. I have 2 years of college,
and a state and national license for my trade. I keep myself from true success
because of my fear. I grew up always being told I was stupid and wouldn't amount
to anything. I graduated high school with an academic scholarship, and my grades
in college were great. I am unable to escape this fear, it plagues me everyday.
--Anonymous, Female, USA
am afraid of balancing my check book. in fact I just did it today, the feeling
of coming up empty seems to pervade my life, just as I am afraid to call a new
friend for fear that they no longer like me or afraid to recieve criticism,
pursue my dreams, or afraid to wait for love to pursue me. What will happen
if I come up empty, if there is nothing there to reflect back my accomplishments,
if my checkbook shows a negative balance, if my life shows a negative social
schedule if love gives me nothing in return, or if my dreams are nothing but
that, just dreams. I confront my fears daily, I take them on like a tornado
takes a town, only once in a while is the fear nad pressue too much, too full,
to overwhelming and then, usually around my checkbook, it eats at me for days.
But fear does not go away does it, it eats at you like acid eats metal, until
it gets so close to your heart that you must face it for your own survival.
and then, so simply, they are gone. The checkbo! ok balance is what it is, the
friends call me, or i call them, my dreams insist on becoming reality and love....
faith is really the only thing that can confront fear, and I try to live on
faith. but even faith escapes me at times, leaving me alone to find courage
within this humble human form. and somehow, again, so simply it comes, and with
it my faith is resotred. Life is amusing this way, and perhaps this is why i
stay engaged, with my life, my dreams, my fear, and even my checkbook.
--joy yellowpanther, Female, USA for now
am afraid that Apathy will eat me, as it has swallowed up many of my friends.
People change, yet i am static and constant. i am afraid that they are moving
on, leaving me where they found me, all used up and sucked dry. I fear that
if we do not recognize our sin, we will bury ourselves in it.
--Mandi Spayd, Female, USA
is a question that is asked but is never truely answered. I think the biggest
thing I'm afraid of is failure. Not succeeding in anything I do. It is completely
humilating to try at something your hardest and failing miserably. Especially
if you put your life's work into it. Failure can strip away dreams and hopes
and self confidence. I think failure is the scarest thing out there. Peace to
--Angela, Female, USA
past-future and the fussy life that is the now-comming out of the endless twlight-unlocking
what is burried deep inside and being unable to forget
--Niki, Female, USA
have had an ongoing fear (on going throughout M life) about the advancing of
the technologocal age... @ one point this fear subsided & eye thought everything
N the world was going <2> be okay... that was when M daughter, reyna, was first
born... she just turned nine yesterday & M friends & eye were sitting around
trying <2> explain the complexity of human Nature <2> her... she wanted <2>
know why people manufactered things N the way that they do if they knew it pollutes
the water & the air & the Earth... yesterday during class... [we] watched a
video called "synthetic pleasures" it was about virtual reality, artificial
N.telligence, cybersex, space colonisation, bioware, gentic engineering,etc...
a two hour film this was... & eye have bee trying N M own work <2> reconcile
coming from an "Earthbound" woman centered culture living currently N a fast
progressing technologically advancing society... eye want <2> retain M Spirit
sensebilities & still be a member of th! e present & still have world fit <4>
living left <4> M daughter... eye fear eye make not be able <2> make the change...
eye fear eye cannot get out this binary pendulum that swnings violently between
love of Earth & love of "progress"... eye fear being a mutaunt...eye fear this
eye know because of M vanity... eye fear not be able <2> survive... as if there
is some great catastrophe N pre-eminent...as a child eye dreamt on a regular
basis dreams of Mself riding horseback across a highway road back home that
leads into the downtown area... & the buildings still stood but no one was present...
anywhere... eye just thought they were dreams that came from reading <2> much
science fiction... however as of the last seven years... having grown & learned
so much... eye begin <2> see some very logically connections <2> these dreams...
--yvie raij, Female, USA
living up to expectations.
--Benjamin, Male, USA
fear is rather bizarre and I am not exactly sure what it means but ithaunts
me none the less. My fear is irony, or rather that I will meet and ironic fate.
Like I said, I am not exactly sure what this fate would be. If I were afraid
of surgery, for example, then an ironic fate would be that I would die while
undergoing surgery. But how does one die by irony? I don't know but the question
disturbs me. I am also afraid that I will not know the answer until it is too
--Anonymous, Male, USA
am afraid of losing my parents. I worry about them when they fight and when
they are out on the road in traffic. I am sometimes afraid that my father will
commit suicide and other times afraid that he will have a heart attack. I mostly
fear the moment of discovering my parents' death.
--Jesse, Female, USA
i'm affraid of finding out who i actually am and what i'm actually about.
--Jess, Male, USA
greatest fear is anger. The inability to control it, to be controled by it.
The way it cut me off from others, from my wife and daughter, and my friends.
I have had times of great control over my anger, other times like lately, i
can't seem to find the handle. Things seem to spinning out of control. This
is my greastest fear.
--Andrew, Male, USA
afraid of critics with big french words. im afraid of not being good enough
for them. im afraid of tomorrow, and the days after. im afraid of being afraid.
nightmares and running away. unicorns and telephones, giving up in methadone.
sports and lies, greed and lust. drowning in bottles of some -ism. im afraid
of growing old, growing ignorant. im afraid of losing myself.. im afraid, i
--evolve, Male, USA
fear that I will wander through life as a poseur, wearing a role that doesn't
really fit and struggling to be fulfilled by things that don't really matter.
There is such pressure to be SOMETHING. Anything. To be a woman, a professional,
a creator, someday a wife and mother. It's more than just feeling conflicted
about what I imagine my societal roles are. Things are so different now than
they were for my parents. And, in opening up a world of new choices, I feel
we might have crippled ourselves into indecision. So, I fear being unable to
commit--to a lifestyle, a career, a lover. I fear that my own selfishness will
prevent me from ever feeling I am part of something. I have myself convinced
that the world is, indeed, one holistic object. So how do I reconcile this with
my feelings of isolation? Many philosophies would lead one to believe that isolation
is NECESSARY for appreciation of the whole. you need to be removed from a situation
before you can fuly grasp what i! t is. I ear I will spend all my time searching,
grasping, and missing out. People are simultaneously beautiful and frustrating
to me. Communication is nearly impossible, because it is based on individual
connotations and constructs. No two people truly speak the same language. I
believe love is a process of translation, in which two people come closer and
closer to fully understanding. I worry that my selfishness, my inability to
commit, will keep me monolingual forever. If I do not understand my role--my
own personal language--how can I ever hope to share it with someone else? I
can only, at this point, define myself by what I am NOT. Someday, when I feel
more whole, I will know who I am. But I fear that one lifespan isn't nearly
--Nicole, Female, USA
am afraid of many things, what I fear most is not meeting the expectations of
others. I fear the great network that links all people together...I fear I am
a weak link. At one time I felt a command of my presence, a sure and easy way
with words, an ability to be a conduit for other people's needs and desires.
Now I fear I have lost my abilities, and I cannot give of myself like I used
to. I am a teacher, and I want to keep doing my best to educate children and
adults alike. I fear I am not adequate enough to be a teacher, a friend, a son.
I feel that there is so much more for me to learn, I will never devour it all.
These fears are the product of an intense self-doubt. When we have only ourselves
and our actions to judge us by, how do we submit the verdict? When we judge
ourselves against others, there is always someone who will have it worse. I
am one of millions, and my fears are small, I have read the fears of others
and I share them all. Together we shall all persevere. Thank you. and my fears
are small, I fear that I have not risen to the challenge.
--Mr. 44, Male, USA
I fear stepping off the ledge to express what is really inside me. Of anticipating the fall, where there is no safety net to catch me. Having my breath swept away and butterflies swarming around me. Facing the truth of all I know to be true of me. I am afraid I will lose what I know best, my ability to create.
--April, Female, USA
fear that when I tell the person of my feelings for him he will laugh at me.
--Alison, Female, USA
biggest fear is claustrophobia. Not just tight places but a fear of being locked
in aplace i can not get out of. I avoid elevators and places like that. It all
stems from a time when i was 4 or or 5. My uncle locked me in the back of a
semi. we were in there for what seemed to be an enternity. He told me that the
driver of the truck, who was my other uncle, would not hear our cries and drive
to st.paul to get cattle open up the back of the trailor and we would meet instant
death when the cattle trampled us. Scary for a small child. It has followed
me into adulthood.
--Joan, Female, USA
a child i was afraid of lions and tigers and snakes. before i could watch saturday
morning cartoons i had to check behind all the doors in the house to make sure
nothing would come out to eat me while i watched t.v. after watching the movie
"jaws" i was scared of the drain in the tub. i thought maybe a shark would come
up through the drain in the tub to bite me. i am glad i have grown out of these
fears and that i can pull the plug to the drain in the tub before i get out.
--n. daniel, Female, USA/Japan
am afraid of hell.
--Daniel Mooney, Male, San Diego,CA,USA
am afraid of myself at times, and of images i may conjure up as I work on my
paintings that come from parts of my imagination I am always exploring.
--Greg Gould, Male, USA
know mr. Zoe, I have found my last fear. I have feared love, and hate, and friends,
and even the monster under my bed; but I'll tell you what makes me really afraid,
life. A good friend of mine once said" well you see son, life is a game of poker,
and every hand is a winning hand. It just all depends on how you play your cards."
I believe this is true, my question is, if no one tells you, how can you play
your cards if you don't know what game your playing. Life is a game of chess,
and what a game of chess it is. God can twist and turn fate and vision to the
point of mass confusion and misunderstanding. The devil temps with all of your
wildest dreams, and such a sweet temptation it can be. Life defines all fear
and sadness, for without life there would be no fear, or would there. Sometimes
I ly down on my bed at night and wonder were my life is going, will I see tomorrow,
does it really matter? It is sad how this world is, it's almost "scary." This
is a crue life w! e all live. We must lie and cheat and "give in" to proceed
and achieve anything in this harse life. Yet God wants us to strive and conquer
lifes hardships, and see the light at the end of the tunnel. That's a little
ironic don't you think? Were all pupets in the same sick game. There are no
winners, and there are no losers, only what you make of your self. That is what
I am afraid of.
--b.d., Male, USA
fear love and hate. I fear the night and the day. I fear myself and my friends.
I fear all that is, all that was, and all that will be. I really fear trust.
All of these things are two dementional, they all can change direction for the
worst. Life it self sometimes scares me. I believe ignorance is the biggest
fear of all. The lack of knowledge and wisdom, not knowing what happens next,
or how it's going to happen. Not handling the situation quite right, not knowing
how to handle it period. I'm afraid of being afraid the rest of my life. What
if I can't find a way to face my fears? What if everyone is afraid like this,
is it normal, how can you face so many fears, how can you be strong. You can't
buy a book in the library or take a class on it, how do you face fear and win?
The only way life can move on is to face those fears, but you can never forget
them; for they make us the people that we are. God help us
--b.d., Male, USA
what bad things are going to happen to me and my family,my mother
--Anonymous, Female, USA
--Eric M Pawlak
There is nothing I fear. My fear is that I do not experience fear. Is this natural?
I have dealt with disease, death and dying in the dream world and in the waking
world. I have experienced loss of loved ones and solitude from an early age.
The last fear I experienced was fleeting, and immediately replaced with rage
and fury. It was not fear for myself but one of my children, and the "mother
bear" took over before I could identify the feeling of fear but minimally. I
believe it is healthy to have some fears, and wonder if I am healthy? Hmmm?
Perhaps I am afraid that without some fear I shall become out of touch or balance?
However, to date, everything seems fine without it. Thank you for the opportunity
to tell you of my lack of fear.
--Savitri, Female, USA
worst fear is that I will only be, at best, mediocre.
--Anonymous, Female, USA
afraid that I haven't really lived my life at all.
--Anonymous, Male, USA
am afraid of success. I am afraid that I might not succeed. I am afraid the
my peers are more advaced than I am in their artwork abilities.
--Sparrow King, Female, USA
have a one-hour commute to & from work. I am afraid of becoming ill & losing
control of the automobile at 65 mph & dying alone and hurting along the highway.
--B. Hallowich, Female, USA
am afraid of being a man; of the legacy that has been left me, the birthright,
the proclivity, the ignorance. I am afraid that to be strong is to do so in
another's weakness. I am afraid that to speak too loudly, or too quickly, or
too often, is to allow the legion of men before me to use my tounge, my words,
my thoughts to silence others, to perpetuate themselves, to justify, to manipulate.
I am afraid of assumptions- mine, others about me. (I am, but I also am not.)
I am afraid of not speaking, not saying the things I see and know, precisely
because I do not have to - no one is watching, no one expects it, no one is
pinning me down and forcing me to scream it; I am free, and priviledged, and
powerful just because I am one of them, and I am so fucking afraid that that
makes me irrelevant, and fraternal by association. I am afraid of myself. I
am afraid I will never know myself.
--Kevin, Male, USA
and there not being more stuff to learn about.
--Kate, Female, USA
fear spiders, the possibility of my teeth falling out, lonliness, the unknown,
and natural disasters. I also fear the possibility of mental illness, as it
runs in my family. I fear the possibility of alien abductions. Also, the possibility
of a nuclear war or germ warfare. I fear being alone in secluded places, because
of the possibility of being attacked. Any situation where my security is in
question, basically, is frightening to me.
--Rachel, Female, USA
Nightmares? My land lord
--Edward, Male, USA
fear public bathrooms. I will not use them. They terrify me! I'm not pee-shy
or anything... I also fear lightning. It's brightness and randomness is unsettling
--Ben, Male, USA
am afraid of personal responsibility
--Krishna, Male, USA
To struggle, live and die and have it mean nothing.
--Blackstone, Male, USA
am afraid of being hurt and betrayed but someone I love. I am also afraid of
being in another abusive relationship. My ex b/f almost destroyed me emtionally
and physically. I am afraid to ever see him again because of the pain he has
created in my life. My fears are numerous.
--Jean, Female, USA
fears are scorpions,snakes, and spiders.
--Anonymous, Female, Texas
am I afraid of? You know, I use to think I was afraid of nothing, but over the
years I realized my fear runs very deep. My fear is intertwined with many other
fears. My biggest fear of course would have to be death. I have always been
scared of the monster in the closet or the monster under the bed, always afraid
of what lingers in the darkness at night. These are all signs of being afraid
of death, I always thought I was afraid of the monster. I have this perfect
picture of a white pickit fence and a beautiful wife, basically a perfect life;
then it hit me one day, if I died, I would never see this picket fence and wife.
Then it dawned on me, what if the bad I have done in my short time on earth
outways the good, and god were to judge me in a rather harsh manner. All these
things scare me, I have come to realize alot of things scare me. I know that
those who hide the fear the best are truly the ones who fear the most. They
say the only way to overcome your fears ! are to face them, but in all truth,
how can you face death. Of course other things create fear: pride, love, honer,vanity,
etc.... Some virtues and some not, but this world we live in today isolates
one or the other in our many different societies creating pressure, and creating
fear. The fear of not looking good enough, the fear of loosing that fight and
then your pride, the fear of never being loved back when love is shown. Fear,
to me, is almost as strong as love it self. It changes the way you think, move,
and feel. Fear runs deep in the viens of every human being on this earth, no
matter how big or small. Ironicly, we need this fear to move on to the next
day, our fear combined with other pieces of character make us the people we
are, make us different. It's just so hard to take my fear and isolate it and
use it to my advantage, instead, I dwell upon it and it becomes my biggest weakness
in all I do. And with this, I have but one single question," What is fear?"
--b.d., Male, USA
am afraid of all the things i haven't done up to this point in my life. i'm
afraid that i might have missed my big chance because i was too busy or cautious
or lazy or stubborn. i guess this fear stems from another fear i have: making
mistakes. but while i was so busy trying to be perfect and right all the time,
i'm sure i've missed doing some great things. things i could have been proud
of. things worth remembering.
--Anonymous, Female, USA
am afraid of the future, not knowing what will happen to me or where i will
--Anonymous, Female, USA
truly biggest fear is of Dams. i have dreams of the dams being let open while
I am at the bottom. I also have dreams of dams let open while I am around and
it still scares me.
--April Curtis, Female, USA
I constantly find myself a mystery, that I can never unravel for certain, so
the only fear I can claim to know is the fear that takes me by surprize, clutches
me with icy fingers that are so honest I know they can't be simple apprehensions
or worry impaled into my thinking by outside expectations or pride that seeks
to conserve a public image. I am afraid of Herman Nicht. I went to a gallery
recently that had a huge exhibit on performance artists from all over the world,
containing an entire wing of relics from performances by Nicht. I ran into the
room accidentally and was so taken aback by the images of recorded performances
being displayed on a screen and the bloodstained cassocks hanging all about
the room, I found I had to walk through the gallery three more times, circling
the room, before I could work up the courage to actually enter and investigate
what all these items meant to the artist. I found other gallery goers marveling
more at my dramatic re! actions than the syringes and viles of blood, urine
and semen laid ritualistically over reigious apearing panels of fabric and altar
pieces. I've found myself shuddering at images that resurect this idea before.
Creating dangerous mixtures between what is recognized as sacred and what is
recognized as profane, or even that undoubtably confuse the categories or omit
the barrier between them altogether. Documentations of the rites of cults, or
even the horrible acts carried out during religious crusades in the guise of
cleansing or purifying away opposition to a belief system, these things have
caused me to genuinely shudder. Nightmares? I'm spending the year studying in
Spain, and since I've arrived my nightmares have been really vivid. In one,
I dreamed that I was back at my home in Berkeley with all of my old friends
and loved ones, yet I couldn't help feeling slightly wary of them. Everyone
I knew was trying to seduce eachother, casual friends sliding seducively up!
next to each other. My boy back home approached me, and although I m issed him
terribly and all I wanted to do was take him into my arms and embrace him, I
felt apprehensive. He came closer, and it was if I knew somehow instnctively
that he was going to eat me, he was intending to consume me whole. Just before
he was able to reach out and touch my skin, the whole scene changed. The passionate
embraces around me tightened, converted into clutching, tearing away at each
others flesh and digging in with hungry teeth. The scene became appaulingly
gruesome and I ran, turned my back on my love as if I knew he would consume
me too, and ran. In another, I was wallking through what seemed to be my old
high school. I turned a corner through a hallway and exited onto a grassy courtyard.
I could see an animal seated under a tree in the center of the yard. I assumed
it was a dog, but I moved in closer to see. As I approached closer I realized
it was a cow, and it turned its head towards me, baring these horrible yellow
teeth and letting out a men! acing moo. I was startled, but then I noticed some
scuffle a little further off in the distance, and so I moved on to see what
was going on. As I approached I recognized the place as a slaughterhouse, and
I saw trucks of animals arriving at a back entrance. (A bit of personal context,
I've been an incredibly strict vegetarian for eight years now for moral reasons).
Some workes were butchering and gutting the animals, but then in all the noise
and blood, I noticed none of the animals were dead. They were all sqealing and
squirming as they were being quartered and even as they were hung up on butchering
hooks. Goats and sheep only skinned over the heads or hindquarters, still walking
around and balking loudly and being loaded onto trucks. I woke up screaming
for it to stop. In another, I dreamt I was here in Spain, but yet so many of
my friends and loved ones kept showing up completely by surprize to visit me
here. I was greeting them as they arrived, tearing up I wa! s so happy to see
them, until I got this funny chill down my spine lik e it was all wrong. It
stuck me that something bigger, something outside was manipulating the whole
event. I tried to explain this crazy revelation to all the people around me,
and they just didn't understand. An idea hit me. I called out the name of one
of my friends, and almost instantly they vanished. The same with another friend,
my mother. Everyone present was now dumbstruck with shock, but I understood
it was all a manipulated illusion. I began to panic that the people creating
this illusion would soon come to take me, now that they had deluded me into
this strange trap, but the walls began to fade and the people all disappeared
as if they were all merely holographic the entire time, and I realized it was
already too late, as I was already contained within a small, box-shaped room.
The true appearance of the room began to surface as the illusion faded, a day-glo
blue with a lawn made of bright green astro-turf. A false-looking curved path
cut through the cente! r of the astro-turf, day-glo blue like the walls and
ceiling. The floor was at a diagonal slant. I realized that one of the walls
was transparent through the other side, and so I started to call at it to be
set free. I screamed and screamed and nothing changed. I became so desperate
I threw myself against the slanted floor and began to dig my fingernails into
the hard, false plastic ground, screaming the whole time to be set free or be
allowed to die. That's when I woke, writhing and sweating.
--Sarah, Female, USA
am afraid of alot of things, i am afriad to go to scholl because I dono what
other people think of me, i am afraid to walk down the hall with my head up
and then be called a stuck-up bitch. I am afraid of what people might say, afraid
if someone doesn't like me cause then they get their friends to talk bout you
to. Afraid to be self-confident and have faith in myself because other people
will talk. Afraid to look at someone because they might think i'm givin them
a hard look. Scared to walk by someone and accidently run in to them and then
get cut down. I am afraid to talk to all my guy friends without being called
a whore. I feel that people (teens) need to grow up and stop fighting over the
--Bird, Female, USA
afraid of Glass and being alone.
--Magz, Female, USA
afraid of an intimate relationship
--Cara, Female, USA
three d's: death, depression, and dogs
--Brian Kavanaugh-Jones, Male, USA
to get what I want mostly
--Anonymous, Female, USA
afraid of not succeeding in life. I feel that I have missed something in life
that was right in front of my nose, but I just didn't see it. I fear failure,
plain and simple.
--Bulldog, Male, USA
I THINK MY WORST FEAR WOULD HAVE TO BE NOT EVER TRUSTING ANYONE OR ALLOWING
ANYONE TO GET CLOSE TO ME EMOTIONALLY. EVER AGAIN!
--David, Male, USA
Making big decisions, being bored, failure
--Anonymous, Female, USA
I'm afraid of dying without living a life that I can look back and say, "Damn,
what a fulfilled life I had." That's my fear.
--Carlos, Male, USA
My overwhelming personal fear is that of all mothers, that something will happen
to my children, they would be hit by a car, raped, get locked out of the house
on a cold day and be found frozen in the cold and dark night. I am also a physician
and a big fear is that one day I be at someone's bedside when they start to
have a horrendous violent death event and I will be totally unable to help them,
I will forget what to do or not know what to do and just stand by mute and terrified
while the patient slowly hemmorrhages or suffocates, their eyes a glaze of pain
and terror and I am unable to help. I am sure this is a common fear among all
doctors, it certainly motivated me throughout my training.
--Rosemary Harris, Female, USA
am afraid of averting my eyes just one more time. I am afraid of not seeing
my brother having to live in that box. I am afraid of injustice and never being
the one to have cried stop. I am afraid of the masters and little children going
to bed at night hungry. I am afraid that the masters will win and shut all of
--Bruce, Male, USA
biggest fear is losing those who are close to me....like friends and family......life
without them would not be worth living...
--Annie, Female, USA
mother & her ideas of me. Her disappointment of me. My mother & her vein, demanding
expectations of her oldest daughter. Like a monster in my dreams, my mother
poisons my eyes and corrupts my mind. I'm dieing.
--Annoymous, Male, USA
Nightmares? My mother & her opions of me, her disappointment of me, her vein
demanding pressures she puts upon me. I can't live with my mother. I should
have never lived with my mother... poison.....monster...... corrupting my mind.
--Marianne, Female, USA
have only experianced true fear once; it was a superb, inspiring feeling. I
was snorkeling at John Penakamp State Park in Key Largo in a deep, dark pit
filled with suprisingly murky water that only allowed narrow beams of pale yellow
light to penatrate. Suddenly, in front of me appeared five confidant, silver,
well-toothed tarpon staring into my eyes and challenging me for the right to
their domain. I felt like a privaleged guest, hoping desperatly that she would
not be challenged or sacrificed. The tarpon were strikingly awsome, and I realized
that I was not in control and that I would never be able to equal their skills
in the environment or protect myself if they deemed me unworthy.
--June, Female, USA
am afraid of heights more than anything else really. I can handle the fact that
I'm going to die, and I could stand the thought of never being married (although
it doesn't sound THAT bad). But when I start to get off of ground level, I start
to panic. I've cried at the thought of going on a roller coster. I was in line,
trying to get myself over what I though was just a small irrational fear, and
I started shaking, and then my eyes watered up. I couldn't stop crying, not
only because I felt scared, but because at that poin, I felt stupid too.
--Beth, Female, USA
I have a few phobias: 1. vessels under pressure (ie. balloons, helium tanks,
explosives, tires, pressure cookers, steam vents) 2. underwater environments:
I have no problem swimming above the surface of the water, but I cannot look
below that plane. The space revealed to me is confined and dark yet infinite
and distorted. It scares me. Nightmares? I often have nightmares about bigger-than-life
natural disasters such as tidal waves or tornados taking me in.
--Christine, Female, USA
think the only real fear I'll ever have is of discovering that noone really
cares-- noone really cares about me or each other or life or any- thing at all
and that we are all really REALLY alone. Because if we don't care about each
other, then that is what cuts us off from one another and separates us, making
us alone. This is my only fear. But, I know it will never come true, because
it can't, it just can't-- that would be too hideous. And I believe in a higher
power that connects us all indestructably, making my deepest fear no fear at
all. Therefore, I fear nothing but God himself. P.S.--- This is really a great
concept and I thank you for it.
--Ana, Female, USA
biggest fear is that reality and the life that I know isn't really mine. That
I am being controled and manipulated by some higher form who plays with me like
a puppet and when they decide they don't want to play with me any more I will
die. Are we truly alone and do we really control our lives as much as we think
we do or are we just puppets on strings doing what we are being commanded to
--Jenny, Female, USA
am affraid of not being able to fulfill what my talents are and not living up
to what I know I can do.
--Elaine, Female, USA
fear that one day I will wake up and everyone that I know and love will have
forgotton about me and when i approach them they will just give me blank looks
and keep walking, I fear complete loneliness. I fear what people really think
of me, in some ways I fear truth and reality.I fear growing up.
--Celine, Female, USA
guess you could say I am afraid of rejection I feel insecure with myself so
I make myself open and an easy target of being used.
--Mari, Female, USA
am afraid of the uknown. Like not seeing the way in the dark or what lurkes
around the corner. I'm am afraid of hights,spiders, things that move exept humans,
pyicos, and water.
--Blake, Male, USA
afraid of having a intimate, passionate relationship because I will not be able
to control myself and I don't want to do something I will regret. I am also
afraid to swim in deep water because I feel a sense of panic. i've tried to
overcome this with private swimming lesson after lesson. I feel this same panic
on carnival rides.
--Sarah, Female, USA
afraid of Dying.
--Christine, Female, USA
see, I'm an artist, and just before the 1998 ISEA conference I was diagnosed
with acute glaucoma. The eye doctor informed me that if I had let it go until
after the trip, I would have lost the vision in the eye. Furthermore, it seemed
that there were episodes in the other eye as well. So, it seems that the possibility
of going blind from an unpredictable case of glaucoma is always with me, and
the possibility blindness frightens me, as I have built my life around the visual.
--Patrick, Male, USA
CANCER--It runs in my family. Raising pre-teens and teenagers today--too many
--Patty, Female, USA
I am afraid of being alone for the rest of my life. I am also afraid of people
knowing what I truely think and feel.
--Anonymous, Female, USA
fear myself. Being myself and everything that involves. I'm caught up in the
BECOMING and not the actual BEING. I plan to work, I desire to work, but I don't
do the work that I aspire to do. I fear that one day I will have others look
to me, and I won't be able to manifest the beauty and wonder that exists inside
of myself. It's as if I hold out my arm so that the world outside can inject
me with my own lifeforce. I fear change, but I thirst for change.
--Blue, Female, USA
have a recurring nightmare of waking up in a large, empty field and as I begin
to get up something starts to chase me. I can always see it in my dreams but
never get a mental picture. As it chases me all I can feel is absolute fear.
Finally I reach a cliff that is so high I can't even see the ground, the fear
of what is chasing me is so great I jump. As I jump I realize the thing is still
after me. I hit the ground and die, but the dream doesn't stop until what ever
it is catches up with me and then I wake up in intense physical pain (Muscle
spasms and a head ache) only to go back to sleep and go through it all again.
This dream I belive has to do with the fealing of being trapped this cultare
gives me. I can not leave this culture because it has control of the whole world
and when I try to leave it makes me come back!
--Scruggs, Male, USA
am afraid of chasing after my dreams. I believe I know what my life's purpose
is but I'm so scared to pursue it, maybe it's fear of failure or maybe even
success. Maybe I'll never know.
--Sara, Female, USA
a frequently recurring nightmare, I'm back in high school, and I can't find
my locker. When I finally find it, I can't remember the combination. Over and
over I try to open it, but I can't remember the sequence of numbers and if I
do remember them, I pass them with a spin of the combination lock. It's a scene
rich in frustration and anxiety. A variation on it is that I'm trying to make
an important phone call and can't dial the numbers correctly in the proper sequence.
I have to keep hanging up and trying again. I have heard these are common nightmares,
but I don't know what they specifically express, if anything, beyond a general
anxiety and fear. You know I've always been afraid of being late. I like being
on time for things. And that's kind of the feeling I get in these dreams, that
I'm running late, falling behind, and unable to solve the problems before me.
Hey, maybe I ought to get a less stressful job!
--Anonymous, Female, USA
afraid of being 80 years old and living by myself except for two dogs and wearing
long one piece bathrobe looking things. I'm afraid of seafood. I'm afraid of
being like my mother. I'm afraid of getting hurt by love again. I'm afraid of
--Marilu, Female, USA
always had a fear of roaches. huge black 4-inch roaches that fly. The kind they
have in New Orleans. I had a nightmare once that millions and millions of 4-inch
roaches came flying at me all at once and started eating my clothes. When I
was completely dead & naked they left me on the street to rot.
--Anonymous, Female, USA
of control. insanity... loss of oneself, worse one's spirit. feels like a cylcone
of screams. only heard it once.
--Robert, Male, USA
Nightmares? Yes. I am afraid of lots of things. Sometimes the world is a scary,
unfaceable place. But other times I decide to be fearless, because, sometimes
the only thing to fear is fear, and loneliness. I'm very afraid of clowns. They
dress up like someone else and try to make people laugh. But they always make
me cry, they are very melancholy creatures. Everybody is a clown in some way,
including me, and I think that's mostly why I am afraid of them. I'm also afraid
of deep water. Just because it seems limitless, and I don't know what's under
me. For some reason it's more terrorizing than the sky, and who knows what's
up there. I am afraid of all my teeth falling out. And that I will come to a
point in my life, and look back, realizing that I have accomplished nothing.
Those are my fears, in a nutshell (highly contained...).
--Laura, Female, USA
am afraid of being old and looking back on my life only to realize that I never
made a difference. Also, I am afraid that I may never be noticed and my greatest
fear is being "part of the crowd". Wasps scare me too.
--Martha, Female, USA
am an artist myself. My greatest fear in that area is that after years of struggling
and sacrifice, I will look back on my body of work and realize it is all worthless.
how would I cope, knowing that my best efforts to animate my most sacred images
were nothing but sophomoric shit? My other great fear is that people will look
at me and see a shell...someone devoid of value and not deserving of empathy
or love. What if they can see through me, and see that I really am not the person
I think I am? What if I look at myself and see that?
--Shari, Female, USA
fear of becoming a woman again.
--Anonymous, Male, USA
I have these awful dreams,but when i wake up suddenly, I can never remember
what i've dreamt. All I know for sure is that I always feel like someone or
something is in the room with me and having this overwhelming fear that GOD
does not exist. After a few minutes, when my heart has quit pounding and the
nerve behind my right eye stops twitching, I usually reach for my bible,hoping
to find some comfort inside in those words. It is at that precise moment that
I usually realize that my real fear is that God does exist and that because
I haven't always done the right thing, that I'm going to burn. there's a guy
iknow who frequently says that. "It's all gonna burn someday, " he says. that
scares the hell out of me. No pun intended.
--Char, Female, USA
have recently developed a deep fear of railroad tracks and trains. I am a survivor
of a car/train accident. I came a way from the accident with only minor injuries.
This accident happened only 6 weeks ago. I was traveling to pick up a friend
in her car. I always went over a set of tracks that are only identified by a
sign and a bell you cannot hear with the windows up. I stopped and did not see
the train due to the lateness of the hour (9:00pm) Continued onto the tracks
and never made it across. The train hit me in the passenger side door of her
94' Honda Accord 2-door. The car rolled onto the driver side and was pushed
4400feet, almost 3/4ths of a mile, I was ejected out of the car through the
back window at about 2600feet. I am very lucky to be alive. The worst part is
I only remember getting into the car, yet I was concious the entire time, except
10min. My deepest fear I guess is not so much the tracks but the fact that I
do not remember anything and from what I told people, like the police and the
ambulance people,was that there was someone else in the car. There was no one
in the car with me. Anyway, I get very nervous am aprehensive of traveling over
tracks. I avoid them as much as possible. I guess it is just the lack of control
I didn't have over my life that made the experiance so rough. I don't know.
I hope I can help a fellow artist create a piece. If you could email me if I
helped you or if you decide to interpert this rambling story into a piece. I
would like to see your interpretation of my fear. Maybe since art is like therapy
for the soul, your piece could help me get beyond the fear. Thank you.
--Benjamin, Male, USA
am gay, and lately I've been afraid of armed homophobes. I can imagine that
one day, as I park my car and start to walk across a dark parking lot to meet
some friends at a gay bar, someone will approach me with a gun...
--Patrick, Male, USA
afraid of Tools but of technology, it's a Double Agent. Is it right that were
a global village? Who wants being crushed that much easier? I don't.
--Chris, Male, USA
am afraid that I will wake up one day and the world will have changed around
me. The people I knew will all be gone--my parents, my family, my friends. All
the lies and illusions with which I have surrounded myself will also be gone,
and I'll find myself wondering "Why?"
--Anonymous, Female, USA
am afraid no one will ever want to look beneath my surface, to discover the
small, frightened, lonely little girl inside. Yet I am also afraid someone will.
--Anonymous, Male, USA
the course of my life (now thirty-something)I have made a number of committments
that for me to break would be the most devastating things that have ever happened
to me. Call them committments, covenants, or promises, they define my life and
pin point what I'm all about. Because of the committments I've made to my spouse,
and the great love I have for her, I shudder at the notion of infidelity, and
beg God that I never find myself in the position of compromising that covement.
I feel the same way about my spiritual convictions, and my relationship to my
children. I fear growing old as a father who unresponsive or tyrannical when
it comes to his childrens lives. The fear doesn't subsume my life. The good
thing is, that I have mastery over the events of my life, and can in many ways
shape their outcomes. In a way the fear is healthy, I think, and helps me stand
guard against the things that might do most damage to what I value most in life.
--Mark, Male, USA
don't ever want to wake up alone on Christmas morning. This is probably a fear
of being alone, of being with out family or friends. This is also one of my
fears that probably won't ever happen to me. I hope!
--Amy, Female, USA
I am afraid of reality. I face it every day, but can never quite come to grips
with it. I submerge myself in books and games to escape it. I write stories
about the people around me as I would like to see them instead of how I do because
I believe their (and my) fictious counter parts are better to suited to the
fantasy world that I have created in my mind as a means of escaping the reality
of life that is thrust in my direction every time I raise my head. I was once
asked why I read and write so much. I answered simply:" Because fiction is the
window to a world where thoughts and consiquences are irrelavent." I also fear
religion. I do not believe in God or Satan. When approached with this revalation
my peers asked how I explained how people came to be. I answered: evolution.
How people live longer every day because God worked through the hands of a doctor
and mended a wound? Medical technology. How people resist temptation and go
on about their lives? Common sense will! tell you wether or not the temptation
is worth the risk of getting caught. Why people commit murder? suicide? Insanity,
desparation, low self-esteem. Make of them what you wish, but those are the
fears that are buried in my subconsious and every day something is thrown at
me that makes them race to the surface.
--Tabitha, Female, USA
first thing that I fear most is that there is nothing after death.No Heaven,
No afterlife, No meeting old dead relatives, no thought, no cotton candy. Second
- I fear failing health which doesn't go very well with #3, fearing doctors.
So my fear of doctors will lead me to my failing health which will lead me to
--Rich, Male, USA
am afraid of owning a gun
--Rhonda, Female, USA
fear love, but not just the idea of love. I love many people; my friends, family,
and others. About two years ago, I ended a relationship with a terrific women.
She has it all, at least everything I was looking for. But, I wasn't sure what
I could do for her. She graduated and I did not want to see her wait around
for me. She has so much going for her, and I truly wanted her to reach her potential.
We remain great friends and I'll always love her, but I wonder if I will ever
commit to someone - Am I capable of love?
Daniel, Male, USA
am afraid of getting old and becoming a burden on my children and society. On
the wierder side, I am terrified of spiders. I remember having to weed out in
my backyard, (and there were always TONS of spiders out there) and just being
scared to tears. I also have those dreams where there are spiders crawling all
over me and I can't get them off. And I wake up crying and covered in sweat.
It's the scariest dream I have ever had.
--Angelique, Female, USA
am afraid of my mother dying or of my 7-year old niece getting sick. For myself,
I am afraid of destroying myself with feelings of anger over losing someone
I loved passionately.
--Anne, Female, USA
I'm afraid of the dark. I'm afraid of what hides under the bed. I'm afraid of
what lurks in the basement. I'm afraid of going through life always feeling
like I'm existing in a mediocre dream. I'm afraid that I won't find a compatible
mate. Someone that I won't get bored with or that won't reach my expectations.
I'm afraid of losing my memory at a young age.
--Anonymous, Female, USA
am not a super-cautious person, but my greatest fears are heights. Although
I am able to ride in elevators, I don't like them. Esclators, tall glass buildings,
elevators, rollercoasters, and the fear of falling haunt me. I asume this can
be attributed to when I was a small child. I witnessed a child fall from an
escalator and barely escape death.
--Anonymous, Female, USA
fear: To be buried alive
--Anonymous, Female, USA
To be average.
--Scot, Male, USA
biggest fear is that God doesn't exist and that when we die, our souls cease
to exist - no more thinking, feeling, etc. I fear making the easy choice when
I know what the right one is. And I fear that no matter how hard I try, my son
will not continue to be the happy, compassionate, beautiful child that he his
--Melissa, Female, USA
am also afraid of being alone, not because I can't live alone. I can. Often
I am more comfortable alone, but only because its safer. However, my desire
for companionship and a sense of being able to contribute to the lives of others
and having them contribute to my life outweights my need for safety. That leads
to another fear. The fear of having lived a life that has no meaning.
--Robalo, Male, USA
sure i'd have had a more interesting answer in the past; i remember being 13
and having all kinds of actual, palm-sweating, heart fluttering fear. since
then, almost everything i've ever feared has happened to me. my relationship
to fear has changed. familiarity breeds...well, it's not contempt, but i don't
experience fear the way i used to. what do you fear. it's an interesting question.
i'm no longer certain. i suppose that, to the extent i experience actual -fear-,
versus worry or anxiety etc. but actual (i'm scared!) fear, it would be this:
i am a tool maker. i currently make tools we hope will enable us to design personal
molecular medicines to prevent and cure autoimmune diseases like diabetes and
arthritis, as well as infectious diseases like hiv and tb,and cancer. i now
know why the apple from the tree of knowledge was forbidden. this knowledge,
pursued by thousands of people of good heart and the best of intentions in pursuit
of affordable universal health, could be used to create truly awful, racially
and even personally specific bioweapons. my fear is that, in the course of pursuing
this knowledge, something irrevocably Bad happens, and i will have participated
in that path. I imagine what an Oklahoma City bomber personality would do with
relevant technical knowledge in this new molecular domain, available to any
science undergrad, and am afraid.
--Greg, Male, USA
afraid I won't get back to Canada, permanently, before something happens to
my Grandmothers. I'm afraid of being torn up on coral in a boat wreck. I'm afraid
of being alone, forever; never finding my soul mate. I'm afraid of never finding
a 'suitable donor'... tee hee. I'm afraid I'm missing the most important years
of my Godchildren's lives. I'm afraid my knees are only going to get worse and
cause me more pain as I age. I afraid I'm going to have to break down and colour
my hair before my 35th birthday! I'm afraid of a world without my parents. I'm
afraid I'm stuck with my sister-in-law! I'm afraid of being a lone branch on
the family tree.
--Barbara, Female, USA
will be sailing in a world championship regatta in San Francisco this summer
and I am afraid of the big wind and waves. I usually sail on a lake which sometimes
has the big wind, but not 8 to 10 foot waves.
--Anne, Female, USA
On a higher note, I fear that the love I have finally found will not be able
to be enjoyed for years and years... that some tragedy will take my true love
away from me--that we will not have the opportunity to explore special places
around the world together, that we will not share in the joy of having children
and seeing them grow up together....
--Kim, Female, USA
That I'll never find my soulmate; someone who loves me for who I am and respects
me, who is someone that I love and respect. And I'll be forever stuck living
a life I never imagined - the constant socializing at parties and bars. It's
not who I am. I am full of love and very family oriented, yet live several states
away from my immediate family. I am afraid that no one will ever see that side
of me or that I will be able to fully express that loving and nurturing side
of me. That I will be forced to live with walls around me and keeping a mask
on so I won't fall prey to other false projections. I fear I won't ever get
to be the real me.
Nightmares? Being rejected. Losing myself. Once when going through a period of introspection and family troubles, I had two nightmares a night apart - one I was driving across a bridge over a river or ocean inlet. Huge waves kept slamming into the bridge. I was the passenger in the car and kept yelling to the driver "look at that wave over there" as one would throw it's force over the rail and onto the bridge, splashing it's water on the opposite lane. Then, suddenly a wave leaps over the rail beside our car and before either of us could say anything the wave has swept over the car and we're pulled into the water and the car begins to fill with water and sink. I'm desperately trying to get out and I can't; the water is up to my chin and I'm crying out, "Oh my God, I'm going to die!" Then I can feel the water entering my mouth and I'm beginning to swallow it. I realize I'm drowning and as I feel it fill my lungs, I wake up out of breath and terrified. It felt REAL! Too real. The next night I had a dream I was driving down the road and one of those big white bread trucks was driving in front of me, when he suddenly slammed on his breaks and I had no time to react, I was too close. I felt the car slam into the rear end and as I was being thrown into the dashboard I woke up. Again, it felt real and I felt as if I had died in my dream. I knew it would have killed me. It was most frightening to wake up and feel as though my body had actually lived those dreams and I was still here to relive it with vivid details and feelings.
--Deborah, Female, USA
yourself standing in a room that is completely black, darker than pitch, an
almost black-purple. So dark that when you hold out your hand, just inches from
your face, you see nothing. You have no idea where you are, or for that matter,where
you are going. Yet, you know instinctively, that you must go forward. While
you can't see anything, you know that you must have gotten to this place somehow.
So, knowing that you must go forward, you raise your foot, confidently, triumphantly,
and step forward. Only to find out that is, that you were already standing at
the ledge. My fear? Not being able to see what is on front of me and not wanting
to go back. It is not necessarily the fall rather, it is not being able to avoid
--Michael, Male, USA
fears are many. I secure them in a closet behind my winter clothes. Some Nightmares
include: Falling from an enormous height (there is water and rocks below); Driving
on a bridge that is high and narrow; Driving a car when my feet barely reaches
the pedals; Being pursued by something/someone who wants to hurt me; Climbing
dark stairs to an attic room and knowing something horrible lives there. Some
Daytime fears: Hairy, crawly insects like spiders and centipedes; Driving on
steep and curving mountain roads; Losing control of the car in bad weather;
Remaining in one place while everyone else moves on; Being swallowed up by depression;
Not being brave enough to try even though I am afraid. I'm sure there are more
fears swarming in my little head but it is not easy to look at them. I fear
the unknown. I fear the Devil. I fear breakdowns in my car, especially late
at night. I fear getting lost. I fear being late. Is there no end to my fears?
Much luck with your project. It sounds most interesting.
--Ruth Ann, Female, USA
I can describe my own fears, I feel the need to qualify what the term fear means
to me. Doubts or apprehensions can be borderline fears, but when they bloom
into all-possessing paralyzations, then they can be defined as clear fears.
I would only classify such emotions as stemming from situations which cannot
be altered or affected by our actions. I would not describe the possibility
of my not meeting some sort of deadline as a fear, but rather as a concern,
either severe or mild. I would, however, quickly classify my own apprehension
of commitment, to another person or ideal, as one of my strongest fears. This
fear guides many of my life actions, and it is one which I have been unable
to conquer. The anxiety that this fear causes me bleeds over to many other aspects
of my persona, including my inability to communicate how I feel to people I
love. It draws a bumper guard around my soul and helps trigger other fears.
I guess fears are primal instincts governing our complex daily lives.
--Anonymous, Female, USA
mentioned above the fear of finding a loving partner for life. I think I am
more afraid of finding the wrong partner for life. Of living a life unhappy
or unfulfilled. Of failure in a committed relationship. The irony is that I
desire kinship, I love family and children. But I fear being unable to provide
them with what I believe they would deserve. Perhaps to a lesser extent there
is the fear of failing to achieve success with my chosen goals, the fear of
living anonymously through the age. The fear of having accomplished nothing
to change our world for the better. I fear failing to leave a legacy of improvement
on the face of our new world order, because I desire it so much in my life.
--Anonymous, Male, USA
afraid of what I am not able to do any longer as I grow older. I am beginning
to realize that I don't have the same indestructible feeling I had as a youth
-- that nothing could hurt me and why would I care. But now, I worry about it.
And I am more careful. I am careful to protect myself for myself and also for
--Anonymous, Male, USA
fear dying without having really lived.
--Brenda, Female, USA
of my fears, if I can call it that, has to do with falling. Falling in my dreams,
in my life, it doesn't matter. I have a recurring dream where I fall from a
telephone pole...I wake up and get sick. Luckily, I haven't had that one in
many years. But when I was a kid, if I saw myself falling from that pole, I
knew it was time to ask my mother to call the doctor!
-- Larry, Male, Born in the USA